Summer Lightning
by Mrs.Nivanfield
Summary: Barely alive after what happened to him on his last mission in the field, a severely wounded soldier tries to retain his sanity by remembering the events of a fateful summer, as well as his undying love for his captain. He would rather take those memories to his grave than allow the C-virus to steal them from him. (Sequel to "Ghost Light", mild Nivanfield, slightly AU.)
1. Death

**This is a sequel to my other fanfic, "Ghost Light". While it's not absolutely necessary to have read the other fic to understand what this one is about, I'm sure it will help, and it can't hurt either.**

* * *

**~ 1 ~ Death**

"It... hurts."

I can hardly speak anymore. The virus is like a venom flowing through my body. It's supposed to make me stronger, but it paralyzes me. Paralyzes me because my legs hurt so much I can't walk by myself anymore.

"Come on, it's not far anymore! You've almost made it!"

The sarcastic undertone has almost completely disappeared from her voice by now. When she started limping around arm in arm with me, she still had some cool stuff to say, like it's in her nature. But it's been some time – I could say how much if I hadn't lost track of time – and in the meantime I must look really horrible if even Ada Wong loses interest in joking around.

"Pull yourself together!" she urges me. "Just a little bit... You can do it... Think about the BSAA, Piers!"

BSAA... Piers. Yes, I remember. The one is the organization I work for, the other is my name. And about one and a half years ago I swore to myself that I'd do anything to stop bioterrorism, just like every monster it may spawn.

The thought of that gives my current situation a certain irony, I could almost laugh. If only laughing was not so painful.

Fortunately I was barely conscious during the flight from Asia to America. I was asleep most of the time and didn't feel much thanks to the anesthetics Ada gave me. Unfortunately, they've lost their effects by now and Ada doesn't have any more. Which means I'll have to bear it for the rest of the journey.

But can it actually be worse than what happened to me under the sea? Does it hurt more? I shake my head although it makes me feel dizzy. I don't want to remember. My injuries are enough to remind me without effort on my part. Even worse than the injuries, however, is this horrible mutation...

Since when have we been underway? I don't know. It could be five minutes since we got out of the chopper – or five hours. I'm out of it, the pain obscures my senses. If I had just stayed there... Then it would be over now. I would have drowned, or the explosion would have killed me... Doesn't matter. Anything would have been better than the hell I have to go through now. The price of survival.

My surroundings are starting to blur in front of my eyes. It feels like I'm fainting now and then, because every time my sight becomes clearer again, I'm suddenly in a different place. A big door... a long bleak corridor... the horrified face of a young doctor whose name won't come to my mind in my condition. She stares at what's left of my right arm. Or more precisely, what's _become_ of it.

I'm moving along the edge of a deep black abyss I could fall into any second. Into the inviting darkness, into nothingness... It hurts so much that unconsciousness tears at me like crazy, but it's that same pain that cruelly keeps me awake at the same time.

I can hear Ada and the young doctor talk to each other, but I don't understand what they are saying. Their voices are warped by too many echoes, all sounding different, making it impossible to pick out the original tone... But at least I'm in the hospital now, and not just in a random one. Everything is going to be fine.

Or not? I still wish I was dead. Or for someone to dose me with an anesthetic that really knocks me out. But I feel that, gradually, the attraction of the yawning void of the abyss becomes stronger than what keeps me in this world. My body and spirit finally agree that I must sleep. The last thing I see before everything turns black is the outlines of a room unknown to me. I think someone is leading me in there, but I can't say for sure. Everything feels so heavy, my body so lazy, the pain ceases... and then it's over.

They say that shortly before you die, you see your whole life pass right in front of you like a film. Does that also work when you don't remember that life at the time of your death? When you experience what I have – when you get infected with that special virus –, you usually forget very quickly what was good in the old days. You become a zombie, a limp and soulless servant good enough to execute commands, but not to think about them. Or to remember. And there's usually nothing you can do about it.

On the whole journey to the hospital Ada repeatedly told me not to give up, to try to remain in control. So I've been clinging to a memory, a part of my life, that helped me to even get as far as I have: my memory of last year. My time with Chris.

Chris Redfield also works for the BSAA. More precisely, he's my captain, and not only that. He's made a major contribution to me getting the job in the first place and I've helped him to keep his when he wanted to quit. Actually, it's him that I owe my present situation for the most part... but I would never blame him for allowing me to fight by his side. Who knows where I would be if things had turned out differently...

We got to know each other last year in April. For some time I had been friends with his sister Claire who always told me how proud she was of her brother, of what he was doing. The BSAA, which he had founded with his long-term partner, Jill Valentine, and nine other people, had been actively fighting bioterrorism for years, ergo being involved in every imaginable war in which biological weapons were used, be it viruses or the monsters that humans and animals transformed when exposed to said viruses.

My own career used to aimlessly go around in circles at that time. I'm the youngest male member of a family which has been in military service for four generations. In the beginning I didn't want to go there, but with three older brothers, one working for the CIA, one being a police officer and the third one risking his life in the Middle East, nothing else was expected from me. I only joined the military to make my family proud. That's what I can still remember.

But my memories only become really clear since Chris has entered my life. I refuse to forget that. I will take these memories to my grave if necessary, but by no means I will allow the virus to take them away from me.

I have to admit that the honorable occupation of the BSAA only ranked second when I applied for a position. First and foremost, it was my infatuation with Chris that led me to his house back then. It was basically nothing but a superficial fascination. I never dreamed that something could become of it – neither of my application nor of my desires concerning Chris. I had no idea that his sister had contrived it all to hook us up.

It wasn't the first time I met him. I had seen him briefly before on Claire's birthday party a month earlier, but I think it was the first time he saw _me_, noticed me. He had to cope with a personal trauma since his last assignment in Africa, caused by the death of the man he had equally loved and hated: Albert Wesker, a shining star on the sky of bioterrorism that has gone out by now. Their story is complicated and impossible to sum up in a few words, but Chris told me about it when we barely knew each other.

Everything was right from the beginning. For me at least. The way he stood there, a forced smile on the bearded face while his distressed blue eyes betrayed the scars of his soul, with unkempt auburn hair and the work shirt he was wearing the wrong way round – he wasn't exactly on his best behavior. He tried, but didn't succeed. How could he? I can't imagine what he had to go through at that time.

Yet still – for me, everything was right. I just looked at him and knew I could help him, and he could help me. I knew that this first real meeting wouldn't be our last. And I was proved right. We spent (half) a night together, which was wonderful in every possible way. We got close to each other, physically as well as on a personal level, and the next day I had not only a new job, but also an important new person in my life.

If my brothers knew... I prefer not to think about that. If they ever got over the fact that the baby of their soldier family was into men, they would blame me for the rest of my life for "sleeping my way up"... Although it's not like I don't bring along the qualifications necessary for the job. Well, actually I don't care what they think.

A pleasant nostalgic warmth suffuses my heart when I think of the most beautiful time of my life which was just about to begin with my visit to the Redfields. During the day, at training, Chris was my superior. In the evening and at the weekends, he was more than that. We met on a regular basis. Sometimes we went out, to the cinema, the amusement park, swimming, hiking, and once – I'll never forget that – even skydiving. At other times we stayed at home, watching movies or playing video games, chilling or picking up from where we had left off in our first night. And I couldn't get enough of it. Our relationship was very physical, but it was also balm for my soul, and for his as well. I helped him to continue his work for the BSAA, and thanks to him I gained new self-confidence, confidence in my skills. I could finally step out of the shadow of my brothers. All was well.

We experienced eight wonderful months together, until the one day came that changed everything: Christmas Eve. It must be irony of fate that out of all days, the day when people usually celebrate happily with their families was the one that our family was ripped apart. That's how Captain Redfield treated his teams at work: not as a bunch of expendable soldiers, but as a big family in which every member counts. A bit like my biological family, but not as stern.

That's not a nice memory. They say that body and soul are inseparably connected during our lives on earth, which is exactly the experience I'm having right now. If I only think of the emotional pain I and especially Chris had to endure that day, the physical pain the virus in my blood is causing seems to return. But that's okay; it's the only way for me to know I'm still alive, as a human. The pain proves it's not too late yet, that I still haven't transformed into the monster I will become if I don't get help soon.

So I might actually be doing a good thing, remembering that part of my recent past. I might be able to buy myself some time with it, because as long as I'm able to feel something, I'm not lost.


	2. A familiar face

**~ 2 ~ A familiar face**

The snow softly fluttered down on us as we were standing there like frozen. But it was not the cold that was congealing us, but the shock. One ought to think that we were doing that out of solidarity with our fallen soldier who was lying motionlessly on a barrow and would never move again. It was too late for help, the medics could not do anything for him anymore.

He was still quite young. So were we all. And now he was dead. A crude reminder of what was at stake – not only the lives of our unit, but possibly that of every single person on the planet. We were sent to Edonia, an East European state which had suffered a bioterrorism attack. Chris and I were part of the team and our field scientists had not yet learned what kind of virus it was, but that couldn't stop us from interfering. A large group of enemies of the government, most of them mercenaries, had been transformed into what I'm about to become now – mindless zombies whose only point was to cause trouble. And they were armed.

It was my first mission of such great importance and thus I'd been very nervous before we'd set out. Fortunately Chris knew what to do to calm me to a degree; one quick blowjob in the shower was enough to blow my sorrows away.

And there he came. Surrounded by Ben, Carl, Finn, and Andy, the other members of our team, I stood in the cold, staring into the dead eyes of a soldier who had lost his life trying to act the hero all alone. I felt a bit warmer when Chris stopped next to me, his gaze focused on the dead comrade, and I briefly explained to him what had happened. He took his role as our captain very seriously.

"Listen up, everyone!" he told the others while the dead body was being carried away by the medics. "The BSAA's job is to free the world of bioterrorism. We can only achieve that by working together."

It didn't sound like he was giving us a sermon, just like a reminder. I liked when he talked like that.

"No one is expendable," I added.

"Exactly." Chris nodded at me, a soft smile on his beautiful features. I hardly managed to suppress a smile myself and had to force me to get my gaze off him before the others started to wonder. Even in a situation like this it was difficult for me to hide my affection, but that was just what I had to do if we wanted to survive this mission.

He went on with his speech, making it clear that he appreciated every teammate's willingness to die for our cause, but that as our captain, it was his duty to make sure we all survived. He meant those words like he said them. At all times, Chris was very concerned about the well-being of every single person in his team, and that was yet another trait I loved about him.

I don't know if it was the aftermath of this speech or still the sadness about the loss of a man, but Chris had barely finished when I heard someone sob beside me.

"Suck it up, Finn!" I told my neighbor whose eyes had filled with tears. I couldn't blame him, though. He was our rookie. Edonia was the first big mission for me, but it was the first mission at all for him.

Finn tried bravely to pull himself together when he told the unit about the newest insights concerning our enemies. While we still didn't know which virus we owed that new pest, the Serbian branch of the BSAA had at least come up with a name for it: J'avo, derived from the Serbo-Croatian term for the devil. The bad thing about them was that they reacted with mutations to physical trauma.

When we split in teams, I stayed with Chris. Finn, apparently still shocked, didn't stir from the spot.

"You're the rookie, right?" Chris asked softly.

"Yes, Sir!" Finn hesitated, his voice trembling a little. "Finn Macauley, Sir."

I looked at Chris when he laid a hand on Finn's shoulder to reassure him. "I know you're nervous, Finn, but the team has got your back, okay?"

"Yes, Sir. I'll do my best." His voice sounded firmer now.

Chris smiled, patted his shoulder once again and then left to go ahead. I was looking at Finn now. I hoped he was going to keep his promise and not collapse out of excitement at one time or another.

"Is he always this awesome?" Finn was talking to me, but gazing after Chris.

My eyes went wide, I almost burst into laughter. Then I shook my head and followed Chris. Finn had no idea... But he proved himself ambitious by following us quickly without another invitation. He was now a part of our team and helped us several times with his expert knowledge about explosives. The mission was tougher than we had expected, but Finn did remarkably well, didn't back away from the hideous J'avo creatures which constantly grew new monstrous limbs whenever one of their arms or legs got shot off. The residential area was crawling with them; the civilians had fled the district long ago.

Everything took an unexpected turn when two new faces showed up that neither belonged to the BSAA nor to our enemies' party: A moon face with short blond hair who introduced herself as Sherry Birkin suddenly appeared out of nowhere and showed around her badge identifying her as an agent for some national security organization. Accompanying her was a younger man with hair no longer than a few millimeters and a distinctive scar on his face which I noticed immediately.

Chris knew the moon face through Claire, who had saved the then twelve-year-old Sherry's life in Raccoon City. The names of her parents weren't unknown to me either: In their days, William and Annette Birkin had worked as researchers for the Umbrella Corporation and were responsible for the creation of one of the viruses that had painted the town red. The fact that they had fallen victims to their own work in the end must have been irony of fate. Their daughter had survived and I didn't trust her although she seemed to break out in an entirely different direction than her parents.

But I was even more distrustful toward the man she was with. His clothing betrayed that he belonged to the insurgent mercenaries we were fighting, even though unlike his comrades he did not convey the impression of having received a dose of the unknown virus. I couldn't stand him right from the beginning while I didn't even know about his _true_ identity yet.

"This man is one of the insurgents!" I warned Chris, looking at the mercenary who folded his arms and leaned against a car a few meters away as if it all didn't concern him in the slightest. He didn't even look at us.

"Yes, he's a mercenary, but right now he's under protection of the US government," Moonface explained. "He doesn't pose a threat to the BSAA."

At least the fellow understood our language. It became obvious following Sherry's statement, when he mumbled something that sounded like: "Unless someone pays me to be."

My eyebrows pulled together. "What was that?" I asked with a step in his direction. Instead of answering, he just darted a glance at me that couldn't have been more indifferent, and moved on to Chris a second later. An unpleasant silence arose.

I didn't like the way that creep stared at Chris. I turned to my captain and hoped he would do something... until I noticed him staring back. Chris and the unknown guy couldn't take their eyes off each other, as if they knew each other, but didn't know from where. Chris, at least, gave me that impression. The air was filled with tension.

The mercenary seemed annoyed. He straightened himself, took a step in Chris's direction and asked: "What?"

I didn't like him, but I had to agree with him in that respect. I too wanted to know what was going on here. Chris looked as though he wanted to say something, but he didn't get around to do so when the ground started shaking. A hostile chopper flew over the area; it had just dropped a giant ugly monster that was even taller than the two-storied apartment buildings.

There was no more time left for discussions. Moonface and her unlikeable friend were just as keen on surviving as we were, so we worked together to defeat the hulk.

Several times while we were fighting, I heard Sherry call a name that didn't belong to anyone of our unit, so I figured that Jake was the mercenary's name. The name meant nothing to me. I had a cousin with the same name, but fortunately he was not that guy. So I couldn't know him from anywhere. But how did Chris know him? This question bothered me just like it bothered him. I didn't miss how he looked at Jake now and then, and I could see his brain trying to figure it out.

A friendly chopper landed when the monster was defeated. It was supposed to get Moonface and Scarface – that's what I called Jake in my mind – out of the war zone. How convenient – this way we wouldn't have to deal with them anymore. But for reasons I couldn't comprehend, Chris didn't seem to feel the urge to get that man behind bars although he obviously belonged to the insurgents. No matter what Sherry said – even a symbol on the sleeve of his jacket showed it.

"Thank you so much for your help!" Moonface said looking at Chris, but speaking to everyone of our unit, before turning around and catching up with Scarface who was already on his way to the chopper.

On the one hand, I had a bad feeling about letting the two of them go, but on the other hand it was okay with me because it means less confusion. But before they could get on the chopper, Chris suddenly called them back. Scarface turned around and shot him a venomous look.

"Have we met before?" Chris asked.

His voice sounded calm and objective, so I got even more enraged by the grimace Jake made at him.

"You know, pal, you war clowns all look the same to me. Hell if I know!" he said, turning away.

That was too much for me. How could he dare talk to Chris like that?

"You must have a screw loose!" I hissed and ran off, determined to shut him up for that remark.

But Chris put out his arm to hold me back. I didn't oppose him. "Sorry, my mistake!" he said to Scarface and left it at that. The prick and his Moonface got on the chopper without anyone hindering them and flew off.

I shook Chris's arm off when it was still holding me back. "Captain!" I said, not calling him by his first name, anxious not to raise suspicion around the others that I might have a closer relationship to our captain than they had. "Mercenaries like this Jake have killed many of our men. How can we just let him go?"

Chris looked into my eyes seriously and spoke slowly as if he didn't want me to get any of his words wrong. "He's not our problem. We have to keep our real goals in mind."

Then he went off and left me standing there until Finn came over to me. "To fight bioterrorism, Sir!" he reminded me as if I didn't know.

"I _know_ what we're here for, rookie!" I hissed and caught up with Chris.

Our next goal was city hall near the border of the residential area where we split up again to search the building thoroughly.

I made sure Finn teamed up with Andy so that Chris and I could finally be among ourselves. I had a feeling it was time to talk about Scarface.

"Do you know him from somewhere?" I demanded to know, sounding jealous in my own ears. The thought was ridiculous and I knew that, but I had to exclude the possibility that Chris and the mercenary had some kind of past together.

Chris shook his head, but it was not exactly a negation. He didn't know it himself. "That face... it seems so familiar. And not only that, also the way he moves, the way he speaks..."

"That doesn't surprise me. We've all been to a ghetto at some point," I said, and to Chris's confused look I replied: "Well, the way he speaks! That's how only wannabe gangsters and other jerks in the ghetto speak."

"Piers!"

I positioned myself straight as a pole and looked at him. "Yes, Captain?" A reflexive reaction to the tone of his voice. We were alone, but it was only at work that he said my name that way.

"Let it be," he said. No, it was an order. "As I said: Jake is not our problem. We have work to do here."

I nodded, trying to forget the topic. He was right, after all. And we would probably never see Jake again anyway... or so I thought.


	3. Merry Christmas

**~ 3 ~ Merry Christmas**

It's back. The pain. The consciousness as well. It seems like I'm not dead yet. Or I'm in hell. I've already seen what hell looks like in Edonia, and in China... I just don't understand what I've done in my short life that was so terrible that I deserve to be sent there once again after my death.

I open my eyes to see a young woman above me. She's pretty... but that doesn't mean anything at all. "Are you the devil?" I ask, unable to think straight.

The woman frowns and I recognize her. She already had that worried look when I came here... I'm not in hell after all. I'm at the hospital. And this is the young doctor whose name finally comes to my mind again: Doctor Chambers. Rebecca Chambers.

I've seen her briefly now and then since she started working for the BSAA hospital, but we've never talked so far. There never was a reason to. But Chris has told me everything about her. Twelve years ago she was, just like him, a member of the elite S.T.A.R.S. unit of Raccoon City, a medic directly recruited from university. With her eighteen years she was not only a child prodigy back then, but also the youngest member on that mission, who survived the incident along with Chris, Jill Valentine, Barry Burton, Brad Vickers, and Albert Wesker.

There are only four survivors left out of the original six. Brad Vickers was able to leave the Arklay Mountains, but died two months later when the virus broke out in Raccoon City. He was killed by an Umbrella monster which was there to hunt down the remaining S.T.A.R.S. members and went for Jill too, but fortunately she managed to get away from it. Wesker was no longer in town at that time and kept on causing trouble for eleven more years until he met his death in the beginning of March, 2009, at the hands of Chris.

I don't know what Barry Burton is doing nowadays, or if he's even still alive, but all the others – Chris, Jill and Rebecca – work for the BSAA in one way or another. Only Chris is still a field operative, Jill decided to assume an administrative position after the ordeal Wesker had put her through during the last few years, and Rebecca works here at the BSAA hospital where she treats the usual war injuries as well as special virus infections and mutations.

"You're awake! Thank God. I thought you'd gone into permanent coma." The relief in Rebecca's voice is easy to hear.

But that's not the only thing I hear. Something is peeping and crackling. When I look around I notice the many devices connected to my body for the first time. The regular peeping sound comes from the machine measuring my heartbeat. Good to know it's still beating. As for the crackling sound, that must be my arm.

"Can you understand what I'm saying?" Rebecca asks, seemingly concerned because I'm not talking to her. "Do you know who you are?"

I open my mouth, trying to answer. It doesn't work immediately as if my vocal cords were rusty. Or mutated. But then I manage to produce a sound. "Piers," I whisper. "Piers Nivans."

Rebecca is visibly relieved while I experience something like a déjà vu. Suddenly I feel reminded of something, a conversation I had with Chris at a bar in East Europe. I said exactly the same thing to him, and according to my sense of time, it can't be too long ago. Chris had to struggle with a problem similar to the one I have right now: He was suffering from amnesia and didn't remember me. But other than me, he did not remember anything _at all_, not even his own name.

But of course he had not just lost his memory for no reason. And that was not the only thing he lost that day in Edonia, either. My spirit once again travels back to that day. Christmas Eve in Edonia, J'avo on the street, blood staining the white snow...

"Captain!" I call out loud to draw his attention to something I've found at city hall: Empty white vials, scattered over the floor. I picked one of them up and handed it over to Chris who examined it, wrinkling his forehead, unsure what it meant.

»C-virus.«

Everyone on the team instantly raised their guns and got ready to shoot when a deep velvet voice reached us from the darkest corner of the tiny room. A tall woman in a blue dress with black hair in a bob, half Asian judging by her face, emerged slowly from the shadow and raised her hands when she noticed the guns pointed at her.

"That's what the insurgents were calling it," she continued, and it became obvious that she was referring to the substance which must have been in the empty vials. "So you're here to save the civilians?"

"Who are you?" I demanded to know at once.

"I work here," she explained. "My name is Ada Wong. They held me hostage."

Something about her voice alerted me that she wasn't telling the truth. Or that there was something she didn't tell us. For a civilian claiming to have been at the mercy of the J'avo till not so long ago, she seemed too calm. The fright I would have expected from a hostage didn't really show up, neither did the happiness she should have felt at the sight of a rescue team.

"C-virus..." Chris got me out of my thoughts. "So that's what's behind the emergence of those J'avo creeps."

The woman, Ada Wong, retained her nonchalant tone while she told us everything she had overheard during her captivity. It wasn't much, but enough to upset us. It seemed like the J'avo were the newest toys of a previously unknown pharmaceutical company called Neo-Umbrella. The name meant more to Chris than it did to me, yet I could still draw the connection to the Umbrella Corporation. Chris cringed at the mention of Umbrella.

"Everything okay?" I took the finger off the trigger and held out the hand to gently touch Chris's arm. It was more a reflex than a conscious action.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he assured me. "Just brings back some bad memories."

Not only Ada's information about the virus proved to be helpful, but also what she knew about the building we were in. Since we now had what we wanted, we only had to get out alive, and she knew a way out.

However, as it turned out, I should have trusted my first intuition. Ada didn't lead us outside; she made us walk into a trap. It was a small square room she had chosen as the place where we all were supposed to die. I had a bad feeling upon entering it.

"The woman!" I noticed at once. "She's gone!"

My words hit Finn Macauley like a lightning stroke, he turned around, startled, and looked for Ada with his eyes. He was the one Chris had entrusted with keeping an eye on her. "I don't know what happened! She was still here a second ago!" His high voice cracked.

Chris and I stood in an empty door frame and barely managed to dodge out when all of a sudden a grille rushed down from above us. It would have trapped us in the small room if we hadn't jumped into the bleak corridor. But Finn, Andy, Ben, and Carl were still inside and couldn't get out again because the only other exit was now blocked by a grille too.

The sound of high heels on stone caught our attention and I raised my gun when I saw Ada appear on the other side of the other grille.

"Thanks for the escort," she said, ever so calm. "Here I have a little souvenir for you so you don't forget me. Merry Christmas!" With these words, she threw something round through the bars. A shiny metallic ball which cast off its shroud in mid-air and transformed into some kind of needle bomb.

The men in the small room did not even have enough time to understand what was happening when they already began to scream. That creepy thing shot needles at them and a cold shiver ran down my back when I realized what it meant.

Chris seemed to understand it too. "God damn it, no!" He started to scream as well, tugged on the bars and threw himself against them, but the grille didn't give way. We could only watch in horror what happened to our men... how they groaned with pain and convulsed... and how Ada turned her back on them with a smug grin. We couldn't have helped anymore, even if it hadn't been for the grille.

Finn was the first of them whose body displayed the changes. His boyish face was distorted to a mask of horror when he burst into flames.

"Finn, hang in there!" Chris shouted, although he must have known it was too late.

I will never forget his expression. He was so shocked, so sad, so angry... I knew exactly what was troubling him. Hadn't he promised everyone at the beginning of this mission that they would get out alive? Wasn't he responsible for these men? It was already terrible for me, seeing the others die with nothing to do against it. But it must be hell for him.

"Cap...tain!" It was the last desperate cry Finn could manage. Behind him, the others burst into flames one by one, while his flames had already died out and a slimy substance started to spread all over his body, sealing him in. He moved towards the grille, reached out a hand to Chris, who reached out a hand to him too. The distance was too far, however, and even before Finn could take the last step, he stiffened in the middle of the movement.

The other three suffered the same fate. Ada wasn't gone for a minute yet, but they already stood there like statues, wrapped up in the unknown, strange substance from head to toe.

Chris fell on his knees, hanging his head. Suddenly he reminded me again of the man he had been eight months ago. The depressive soldier with the feeling to have lost everything, and didn't want to be a solider anymore. It hurt to see him the way he was now. It hurt to see the other members of our unit the way they were now. Everything hurt. Ada's damn Christmas gift had thrown our world into chaos.

And then, all of a sudden, there was that cracking sound. It sounded a little like breaking branches, just a tad more... _organic_. Terrified, I looked up and watched something break loose from the figure Finn had become. The shell burst open and something slimy came out. For a second I hoped he was still alive and had somehow managed to free himself... But that hope died when I realized that the thing coming out of the strange cocoon was no longer Finn.

Now the other cocoons burst open as well. It didn't take long, not half as long as the pupation, and before I could understand what was going on, the small room was filled with four tall wide monsters that did no longer resemble the soldiers they had once been. They didn't resemble anything else I'd ever seen, either. Their unshapely bodies didn't even allow me to distinguish the front from the back.

"We must get out of here, quickly!" I warned Chris.

He got up to his feet while the grille that had locked Finn and the others in before suddenly raised again and there was nothing left between us and the mutants. They came at us. But Chris didn't react. He just stood there like petrified.

"Those aren't our men anymore, Chris. Shoot!" I yanked my submachine gun up and fired a burst into the body of the monster closest to me. Since Finn hadn't been too far behind the bars, I assumed it was him, even though his hideous transformation made it impossible for me to be sure.

But Chris hesitated, my words obviously didn't reach him. He was still shocked and didn't get beyond lifting his gun. He stared at the monsters that had been his men till a few minutes ago and now looked like they had arisen from some cheap horror movie. The difference was that _this_ horror movie was reality and its monsters posed a real threat. It was something Chris couldn't understand, or didn't _want_ to, till one of the monstrosities grabbed him and lifted him up.

"Chris!" I shouted and opened fire at the creature. It wasn't impressed, though, hurled Chris against a wall and started to hit him violently. I pulled the trigger even tighter, became more and more desperate, until I began to scream. That virus monster must not hurt Chris! I wouldn't allow this to happen.

I dodged the attack of another foe and continued shooting the one that had Chris until the echo of the last shot fell silent and a clicking sound was all that remained. My submachine gun was empty. But I didn't have time to change the clip. I ran to the monster and hit it with the gun.

"Let... him... go!" A stroke for every word I yelled.

Finally, the hideous creature let up on him. It lifted him up one last time and flung him across the corridor. He couldn't even scream when he lost his weapon and hit the ground, so violently that the impact of his skull on the floor drowned out the stomping footsteps of the monsters. He stayed lying down motionlessly and I felt a sting at the sight although none of the monsters had touched me.

He lifted his head when I ran to him, his eyes wide open, staring at the monsters. He was alive, at least. But the relief only lasted one second before giving place to a terrible fear. Chris was alive now, but if I didn't act very quickly, he would possibly be dead in less than a minute. But the monsters didn't look impressed by my efforts to keep them away from us.

I don't remember how we managed to get out of there alive. Chris's head injury started bleeding and he fell unconscious. I only remember pulling him through the corridor with one hand while shooting with the other to keep our pursuers at bay.

Andy, Carl, Ben, and Finn were dead. The monsters they had transformed into were no longer them. And so Chris and I remained as the only survivors. As soon as I had somehow managed to get us safely out of that building, I got in touch with HQ and made sure Chris was transported to a hospital. It was just an ordinary hospital, not one belonging to the BSAA, but after all he hadn't suffered any damage that normal doctors couldn't treat as well.

Unlike me. Today it's my turn to be in hospital.


	4. Amnesia

**~ 4 ~ Amnesia**

Judging by Rebecca's facial expression, she is pleased with the results of the tests she just did with me. All my senses seem to work and the pain is not that bad anymore. My arm has my worried, though – it still makes that crackling sound.

When Rebecca leaves the room for a short while, I defy her instruction to move as little as possible and push the blanket aside to see my right arm. It no longer looks as horrible as before – but who knows what "before" means; I haven't the foggiest idea how long I've been lying in this bed –, but it's not a beautiful sight either. I ask myself if I'll ever look normal again.

Where a normal human arms used to be, there's now a fat gray _something_, its form reminding me more of a tendril of an overgrown plant than of a human limb. If there's still a hand, it's not visible from here; in the place where the wrist should be, the strange structure opens up like a flower that hasn't fully flourished yet, however not half as beautiful to look at. I don't have an actual feeling in this boil – I refuse to consider it a part of my body –, but I feel a tingling in the place where it opens up, and with every crackling it causes, comparable to the sound of an electric short circuit, tiny blue sparks fly out of the opening. I know that the whole thing even glows in the dark because I've seen it.

Piers, the walking street lamp.

With a deep sigh I cover the ugly sight again. I know by now that I won't die from it because I'm still here and the worst part is over. But with a boil like that, I don't want to live either. How people will stare at me on the streets... Suddenly I feel so ridiculous, thinking about how I always complained about acne as a teenager.

But in the end it's not even half as bad when I consider _why_ I did it. For the BSAA. For the future. And, most importantly, for Chris.

Yes, it's kind of my own fault that this unsightly thing has been replacing one of my arms recently. But what should I have done? I shouldn't regret it. I should be proud of what I managed to achieve on my last mission with Chris. A mission I had to talk him into at first, which wasn't easy. But I succeeded nevertheless – another thing I should be proud of.

After the incident in Edonia I had no other chance to talk to Chris as soon as he was in hospital. Whenever I came to visit him I was told that he was to weak to receive visitors; it would only confuse and upset him unnecessarily. They didn't tell me what they meant by that, though, and I only learned the truth when one day I was informed that Chris had disappeared from the hospital overnight.

The English the nurses spoke in Edonia was bad, but sufficient to explain to me what was wrong. The severe blow to the back of his head had caused Chris to lose his memory. Upon awaking from his short coma, he had forgotten his own name. He was disorientated, didn't know where he was, that he was working for the BSAA and what that meant. It made him aggressive. No wonder they had not let me visit him.

The worst six months of my life were just to follow. My brothers wanted me to come home, for New Year's Eve at least, after I'd had to work at Christmas, but I couldn't think of celebrating now. I had to find Chris, and for that reason I stayed to live in a shabby motel where I had rented a room for a time.

At first, I searched all by myself. Chris was a man without ID card, without memory – how far could he get? I left the motel by day and journeyed to the surrounding towns, talking to every pedestrian, knocking on every door, showing the people a photo of Chris, but no one had seen him. By night I returned to rest for a few hours. I allowed my body only as much sleep as was absolutely necessary, so I could leave again every morning as early as possible to continue searching. Sometimes, when the town I visited was too far away from my motel to return in the middle of the night, I also slept under bridges, at rail stations or on park benches. During the day I kept myself awake with caffeine.

Every day that passed without success got me more desperate, but I didn't want to give up. I requested reinforcement from the BSAA that helped me to browse through areas of Edonia too far beyond my reach. During this time I got several phone calls from my worried family because I always promised to call them back, but never did so. I eventually started to ignore them, no longer picking up the phone. I didn't look into the mirror anymore either, because I didn't want to let my determination cease by seeing what I had become.

After a while I just looked truly horrible. Thick dark circles around the eyes and a disheveled beard decorated my pale face, I had lost weight and not had a haircut for too long. Only fixated on find the most important person in my life, I had stopped worrying about myself. I didn't get enough sleep, or food, but as long as I knew I would survive, I kept going.

But the day came, the day when my natural needs finally gained the upper hand after a long struggle. Infinitely exhausted, I collapsed in the middle of the street and had to find out the hard way that even my body had its limits.

A small group of BSAA members stayed in Edonia to keep on looking for Chris while I returned home for the time being. By this time, even I realized that I was no help in my unstable state, least of all to the one I was looking for. However, I didn't return without the hope of possibly finding Chris in America. We had been looking for him in Edonia for ages without ever coming across the slightest hint. So it was entirely possible that Chris had already left the country.

At first I planned on returning to my own flat, but my three brothers wouldn't allow it. Philip, Paul and Patrick are all older than me and when we were children, I was more or less their living toy. But ever since all of us are past puberty, we stick firmly together. That's why Philip, the oldest, wouldn't take no for an answer. He insisted on me temporarily living at his house, as long as I needed to get better. And so it happened.

"Why is that guy so important to you?" he asked one day at dinner in his small, but comfortable kitchen. "I'm a soldier too and I know we stick together. But if you had seen yourself when you came here a week ago... You still look horrible, if you excuse my directness, Peeps."

Peeps. He hadn't used that annoying nickname for ages. But it seemed like it didn't help much that I had started to shave again, have my hair cut and eat regularly, if my brother still worried so much about me.

"He's my captain, Phil. And my trainer. And the one who recruited me for the BSAA in the first place," I explained, consciously forgetting to mention the special kind of relationship Chris and I were leading. Or _had been_ leading. The thought sent a chill down my spine.

"And precisely because he's your captain, he should be able to take care of himself. What kind of captain is that anyway, getting the men in his unit killed and then just abandoning the rest like that without leaving a message?"

I tried to avoid Philip's gaze, the blood rushing to my face making me flush from anger. "He has lost his memory!" I spat out louder than I had planned. I felt I had to defend Chris. "And you don't know him. So don't talk shit about him like that!"

He leaned back like he was trying to evade my tantrum and stared at me, his eyes wide open. "Relax, little brother! I won't say anything about your beloved captain anymore."

My heart stopped beating. What had he just said? My "beloved captain"? How could he know? I had never said a word about that...

And he probably didn't know after all. I was just being paranoid.

"All better?" Philip asked eventually on noticing my confusion.

I kept my mouth shut, not sure what would come out if I tried to speak. My brother had cracked a joke, nothing more. There was no reason to worry, and the rest of the evening passed at ease. We didn't talk about Chris or my time in Edonia anymore.

I knew I was supposed to take it easy, but I still spent much time outside in the city while my brother was at work, still looking for Chris, clutching at every straw. Not to know where he was, what he was doing at the moment, if he was even still alive... worrying about him almost drove me insane. I missed him so much it hurt, had nightmares about possible horror scenarios of the truth, and couldn't think of anything else anymore.

One day, for just a few minutes, I thought I'd found him. I saw him in the inner city with two plastic bags in his hands, as if he was shopping. Excited and overjoyed, I followed him into a grocery store and almost jumped at him, but just seconds before that could happen, he turned around and I saw his face – it wasn't Chris. Just a stranger who looked very similar to him. He had his wife and three kids with him, I only hadn't seen them before. My world fell apart once again.

The next day I went to visit Claire. I hadn't seen her for a long time, but that wasn't the only reason. She had known Chris much longer and better than I and maybe she could help us to look for him. On top of that, she had the right to be informed; she didn't even know anything about the mission in Edonia yet.

A feeling of pleasant nostalgia arose within me when I stood in front of the house again for the first time after so many months. The house where I had met Chris. He didn't live here any longer. After recovering from his trauma, he had moved back to his own apartment near the inner city. But nowadays someone else was living in the guest room in his place, and we all had known that it would happen sooner or later.

In fact it was Leon Kennedy who opened the door for me. He and Claire had officially been an couple for almost half a year, and he was one of the few people who knew that Chris and I were too.

His hair was perfect as always although he didn't expect visitors. We greeted each other with a clasp of hands before he led me into the living room. Claire joined us a little while after, smiling at me. She had always been a warm person, except when someone spoke ill of her brother. Her reaction to that was roughly the same Philip had had the misfortune to experience from me the evening before.

"Hey, I haven't seen you in ages!" she remarked, stopping in front of the couch I was sitting on and tilting her head. "Say, is it possible that you've lost weight?"

Damn! I had hoped people wouldn't see that anymore. But maybe it was a sign not to beat about the bush for too long. I took a deep breath and put on a serious, but not too stern look.

"Claire, I need to talk to you about something very important. I suppose it would be better for you to sit down."

Any signs of happiness fled her face. She understood at once what it was about. "Did anything happen to Chris?"

Leon was next to her in no time, putting an arm around her.

I decided to come straight to the point. "He has been missing since our last mission together. He hit his head during a fight with virus monsters and has lost his memory."

"That's horrible!" Leon said.

"We're already looking for him everywhere, but we just don't know where he might have gone," I continued. "We thought that you as his sister... well, maybe you might know. What would be the first place he would go to if his memory returned?"

Claire folded her arms and gave it a thought. "I don't know... Chris is actually not a person to commit himself to places..." She bit her lip, freed herself from Leon's grip and started striding up and down nervously.

I liked that she stayed so relatively calm. I know a lot of people who would have freaked out at such news. But Chris Redfield could be a difficult person to deal with, and after their common history his sister was more or less used to worrying about him. At least she could cope with it better than most siblings.

Eventually she stopped and lowered her head. "Where exactly did he disappear? We used to travel a lot in the past, so if I know the country, I might come up with a specific place where he could be..."

I shook my head. "I honestly doubt that you've been there before, or does Edonia mean anything to you?"

But surprisingly, I could see a flash of insight in Claire's eyes. "Isn't that a small state in Eastern Europe, somewhere between Poland and Russia?"

"Yes. Yes, exactly!" I leaped to my feet.

"We've never been there, not in Edonia exactly, but when we were children, our parents once took us to Russia for a few days, to a town near the Edonian border. Chris felt very comfortable there, but..." Claire's look was dead serious. "How likely is it that he went _there_ of all places?"

"No matter how likely or unlikely. It's the best hint we have so far." And I meant what I said. "Thank you, Claire!"

I almost hadn't considered it possible anymore, but after a search that had been dragging on for five months so far, we finally had a suitable hint. It almost sounded too good to be true, but it had also been too bad to be true that Chris could disappear into thin air just like that. If we actually found that place, I would call it poetic justice.

I was like a cat on a hot tin roof for the next week so my brother kept asking me what was going on. I didn't tell him anything. I had contacted the BSAA search party in Edonia and told them to expand their search to the area around the Russian border. One day the eagerly awaited call from Jill Valentine finally came and she said the words I wanted to hear more than anything else: "We've found him!"

Less than a minute later I was already packing my bags. I didn't pay attention to whether or not the clothes I stuffed in my suitcase actually matched. I only wanted to get there as soon as possible, to the place where the others had spotted Chris. As soon as I had finished, my brother appeared at the door, leaning on the frame and blocking my way.

"Phil, I must go," I explained briefly.

He raised one eyebrow. "Go, where? To Edonia?"

My lips formed a thin line. I couldn't look straight into his eyes. "Pretty much."

He didn't say a word for ten long seconds, but looked at me in a way that made me nervous. "And how long are you planning to show no sign of life this time? Do you have any idea how worried we were about you? You were obviously so busy with looking for your stray captain that you didn't even spare time to get in touch with your family. What's wrong with you, Peeps?"

"That's _my_ business, okay?" The sound of my voice was unambiguous.

Philip seemed to notice. He stepped aside. "I just hope you know what you're doing."

Yes, I did. Even though by that time I had no idea what was about to come.


	5. Nothing but a shadow

**~ 5 ~ Nothing but a shadow**

I must have fallen asleep again in the meantime, since the next time I open my eyes a red sun is shining directly through the window in my room, dazzling me. I can't be sure whether the sun is just rising or setting, but since it's dark in my room – all lights are out – I take it the night is just over.

There's yet another window in the room I haven't noticed yet because I was always too dazed to really look around in my new – hopefully temporary – home. It's a window in the wall next to the door through which I can see the corridor outside, where the lights are already on. What's much more important, though, is that every doctor and every nurse randomly coming by can take a brief look at me to see if I'm alright.

And at the moment, according to the circumstances, I'm actually fine. While I'm still connected to all kinds of devices that peep and do whatever they are supposed to do, at least it doesn't hurt anymore. Only now do I realize that this is also the reason why I no longer feel so terribly dazed. The pain, or at least a big part of it, is gone.

Instinctively I check my arm again. It's still gray and crackling with electricity, but my moth remains open in awe when I notice that this is only true for the lower half of it now. From my shoulder to the elbow my arm looks normal again. Brighter than usual and with a few little scars, but otherwise normal. Is this just a dream?

Unbelieving, I put my left hand to the other side – as far as I can get without mixing up or pulling out the tubes – and touch the skin that has formed on my new human arm. Carefully, as if afraid it might disappear again, I stroke it with two fingertips. The fine tiny hair bends under my touch and when I take a closer look, I can even detect the cyan veins under my skin. It looks so normal... I can hardly believe what I see.

Whatever kind of medicine they have here, it does the trick. Rebecca clearly knows what she's doing and my heart jumps when I think that maybe, in a future not far from now, my whole arm will look like that of a human again, not like an indefinable limb of a monster. Amazing how something I took for granted during those more than twenty years of my past life can make me so happy now.

The sun has climbed a little bit higher on the sky, so I was probably right about my assumption of it being morning. I'd love to get up at once. I know I'm not allowed to move a lot and have to stay connected to the tubes, but I'm so excited! I want to call Rebecca and show her what progress my body has made, want to see Ada and thank her for bringing me here, have to tell Chris...

Chris. What is he doing at the moment? Does he even know I'm alive? I hope someone has told him and he's already on the way here to see for himself. He must come and see that the story has _not_ repeated itself, that there's _no_ reason to become a shadow of his former self again. Someone must tell him! I don't want him to hurt himself...

Nothing but a shadow of his former self. Yes, that's what he was when we found him. A tiny town near the frontier to Edonia, just as Claire had suggested, was the place where Chris had been spotted. At first, my colleagues had decided to go for the public institutions, and so Jill Valentine, equipped with a photo of Chris, had visited every bar she could find in the town until she had finally run into a red-haired barkeeper who knew Chris's face and told her that he came there almost every night to get drunk. This behavior had already led to arguments between him and other guests more than once, and the barkeeper had thought about banning him from the house.

The thought was like a blow to the face. Chris Redfield, reputable field operative and captain of the BSAA for many years, rampaging drunk in a bar. Had he really gotten so low? But I had to pull myself together. When we were on the way to the said bar – Jill, me and some other soldiers in civilian clothes – I told myself I would be strong enough. And I would _remain_ strong, no matter in which state I found him.

Anyway, it was about time for our captain to return to the BSAA. Today, almost precisely half a year after Edonia, another attack with biological weapons took place. This time a bigger Chinese town called Lanshiang was concerned; the report had only reached us very recently. We didn't know who was responsible for it, but that didn't change the fact that we had to intervene. Personally, I already suspected someone, none other than Ada Wong.

An overwhelming hatred possessed me when I thought of that woman who had not only turned Finn and the others into monsters with the C-virus, but was certainly responsible for more that had happened in Edonia than just that. To find Chris had been my biggest wish ever since that day, but my second biggest wish affected Ada Wong. To kill her would never be enough to compensate for what she had done. I wanted to _destroy_ her.

But I would destroy her another day. Now the first priority was to talk to Chris. He probably still suffered from amnesia, but he had to remember. Remember me, the BSAA, Ada and everything that had happened. And the duty he needed to fulfill.

I had to fulfill a duty as well. Barely an hour ago I had talked to Claire on the phone and promised her to bring her brother back, one way or another. She was counting on me and I wouldn't let her down. Among the BSAA I was known as "the man who never misses a target". We could only hope that this applied not only to my talent as a sharp-shooter, but also to social interactions. The Chris I was going to face soon – provided that he even was at the bar this evening – was not the one I knew, and he knew me even less. We were strangers to him and he was a stranger to us, one we needed to persuade to remember.

We were lucky. He was there. I only saw him from behind and he had cut his hair or just omitted the hair gel or both, but he was nevertheless unmistakable to me. He was wearing a worn out brown jacket over a gray turtleneck pullover, sitting on a bar stool and having a half-full glass and an overflowing ash tray on the counter in front of him. He kept his head down as if he was staring right into the glass he was holding with one hand.

"Go," Jill whispered to me.

I turned around to look at her, startled. "You're not coming with me?"

She shook her head. "He's known me the longest, but you have the best relationship with him. If there's anyone he'll listen to, it's you. I'll be waiting with the others for your sign back there." She pointed at a big round table where the others were already sitting down.

I looked back to Chris and bit my lip. The idea of facing and talking to him all alone frightened me. "But... what if I don't find the right words? Why can't you just come with me?"

Jill made a jerky head movement in Chris's direction. "Just look at him. I'm sure one new face will be enough for him."

I could see the pain in her bright blue eyes. What she said was true: She had known Chris the longest. The two of them had survived the Arklay Mountains incident in 1998 together, when I had still been playing with toy cars, and many more missions after that. To see him like this, to know that he probably wouldn't even remember her, must be horrible for her too. Maybe that was the reason she wanted me to talk to him. Because she knew she wouldn't be able to bear it. At least I could find no other way to explain it to myself.

Jill sat down with the others and I decided I had hesitated long enough. I glanced at them one last time to see them encourage me with their nods, and then I went off. It was a shabby bar that Chris had chosen. The wooden floor was wavy and scratched, no music was playing because the jukebox was broken, one of the light bulbs on the ceiling had a loose connection, and scowling figures were sitting on the tables. That was definitely not a place I'd voluntarily visit in my free time. Neither would Chris, had he still been the man I'd known and loved.

The only neat thing in this room was the lady cleaning glasses behind the counter. With her shoulder-length reddish brown hair and doll-like face she looked like the woman Jill had described. I assumed that she was the barkeeper. Several men were sitting by the counter and she went from one to the other, never stopping near Chris, though, as if she was consciously avoiding him. That was something she and her guests had in common; all bar stools were occupied, all except for the one next to Chris. That's the place I took.

I must be conspicuous somehow because the men on my left raised their heads and gazed at me as I sat down. Only when I calmly asked them if there was a problem, they would stick their heads back together. I looked down to the BSAA patch on my left shoulder. Maybe they had noticed it. That day this patch was the only thing identifying me as what I was.

In order to blend in, I took a look at the menu when the barkeeper came to me, and ordered the first thing on the list. At the same time Chris gulped down whatever it was that he had in his glass and ordered more of it without even waiting for the barkeeper.

While I was pretending to wait for my food, I watched Chris. I downright stared at him, but he didn't seem to notice. Smoking another cigarette, he gave the impression that this was the only thing that counted for him at the moment. He didn't even perceive his surroundings.

After looking for him for months, it was a strange feeling to sit so close to him, not knowing what to say. I didn't know what he was drinking there or else I might have confronted him with that, telling him it was my favorite kind of alcohol too. I felt like a little child. If I'd had it my way, I wouldn't have said anything at all. I wanted to put an arm around him and tell him it was time to come home. But would he listen to me? Probably not.

The barkeeper placed my plate in front of me and I saw what I had ordered. It was a usual steak with a few usual side dishes, nothing I wouldn't have been able to get everywhere else. I didn't care about it and I wasn't even hungry, but I thought I could at least do with one little bite. I still wasn't willing to cause a sensation, but for some reason the men next to me were staring at me again. This time one look in their direction was enough to make them stop.

I'm just too good-looking, I said to myself, cutting the steak.

On my right an empty glass was smashed onto the counter. "Another round!" Chris ordered.

The barkeeper looked at him. He didn't return her gaze, but stared into space with glassy eyes. She sighed and went to get another bottle.

I put a piece of the steak into my mouth. It tasted of nothing. But I hadn't come to eat anyway. It was about time to gather courage and approach him. My friends at the round table were already casting impatient glances in my direction.

"Hard to find a good steak around here," I said and leaned a bit towards Chris to make sure he noticed that it was him I was talking to. "Not like back home."

He did realize that he was addressed to, but didn't seem to care. He briefly lifted his head, but didn't even look at me and then continued staring into his empty glass.

The barkeeper returned and poured him a few drops, but only until the glass was half-full. I immediately felt a wave of sympathy for her.

Chris took the glass, looked into it for a second and then pushed it back to her. "Fill it up!"

"You've had enough," she answered calmly with a hard accent.

But Chris didn't share the sympathy I felt for the barkeeper. When he spoke again, he was louder than before. "What's the point of that? Do I look like I can't pay?"

The barkeeper didn't reply, but she didn't give in either. It was not the money she was worried about. She wanted to prevent Chris from misbehaving again. I would not have given him any more alcohol either.

"How about a glass of water?" she suggested eventually.

Chris made a face as if she had told a bad joke. He still didn't look at her, but at the bottle in her hand, and then reached for it. "Listen, sweetheart..."

She clung to the bottle, they struggled for it, but he was stronger and wrenched it out of her hand.

"Your job is to pour drinks and look pretty," he said, filling his glass. "So no thanks, no water. Just shut up and do your job."

I thought there was something wrong with my hearing. I had never experienced Chris so rude before. But the barkeeper's reaction confirmed that I hadn't misheard anything. She snatched the glass from him before it was full and emptied it quickly into his face.

"That's enough. Get out of my bar!" she shouted at him.

He deserved it. I didn't feel any pity for him. At least not for that... Things looked different with his current situation in general. I still wanted to put my arms around him, but that would have to wait.

Chris dropped the argument with the barkeeper. He got up from the stool, mumbled something about having no place in the world, and walked away, the bottle still in his hand. However, the exit was not in the direction he was facing. I kept my seat and watched him.

A bald man approached him and said something in a language I didn't understand. Chris rammed him out of the way with his shoulder and went on.

"I said the lady asked you to leave!" the baldhead said, now in English, and clutched at Chris' shoulder. He shouldn't have done that.

I jumped up and started running when Chris grabbed the man, threw him head first on a nearby table and held him down with one hand, raising the bottle with the other. I arrived just in time to grab his wrist and cling to it before he could smash the other man's skull.

Chris looked at me furiously. The last time I had seen that look on his face when we had been fighting J'avo together.

This time I didn't have to think about my words. They just bubbled out of me. "Never thought I'd find Chris Redfield wasting away in a shithole like this!"

A trace of confusion mixed up with the furious look he gave me, but no more than that. Nothing about his eyes implied that he recognized the person talking to him. It hurt, but I wouldn't let it show. There was no time for that now.

He broke loose, stumbled and crashed into the table the baldhead had just arisen from. For a second I was afraid he would raise the bottle again, striking at me this time, but he didn't.

"Who the hell are you?" he asked, sitting down on the table. Not because he was keen on a friendly chat, but because he was too dizzy to stand upright. He left the bottle on the table.

"Piers," I said, joining him. "Piers Nivans?" I put a special emphasis on the question mark. Behind my little introduction stood the question if he really didn't remember anything at all, now that he heard my name.

But there was nothing his memory responded to. And even if there was, he didn't let it show. "Never heard of you." He put me off.

In the meantime I was almost sure that Jill would have freaked out in my place. I glanced over at her and the others. They had stopped their conversation and were watching us, waiting.

"Well, then..." I put my hand in my vest pocket, pulled a mobile out and showed him the picture on the display. "How about this? Have you heard of this?"

It was the picture of a virus monster. But it didn't have the effect I had hoped for. He just shook his head.

"Bioterrorism," I explained. "Your past. You can't run from it, no matter where you go or what you do."

But no matter what I did or said, nothing seemed to reach him. He only shook his head all the time. Either he really didn't remember anything or he didn't want to remember. A part of his subconscious mind struggled against it.

Struggled against me too?

"Fine. If you don't remember me..." My voice was trembling when I activated other pictures I had prepared to show him. "Maybe you remember them."

They were pictures of our team. Of Finn, Carl, Andy, and Ben. "Get a good look at them." I held the mobile out to him, but he would avert his gaze.

"I said look at them!" I hit the table with my fist, jumped up from my chair and put the device straight in his face so he couldn't look anywhere else anymore. But he just shook his head even more fiercely. "Those were your men! Men that died under your command. You must remember them, you owe them to remember, Chris!"

I realized I was yelling, but it made quite an impact. I could see that he reacted to it. Somewhere, far behind in his brain, there was a part that understood the meaning of my words. And I decided to provoke him even further.

"If you keep pretending that nothing has ever happened, then the deaths of these men were in vain!" I shouted at him.

It was enough. He pushed away my hand that was holding the mobile, bent over on the chair and hid his face in his hands.

I leaned back. "I've been looking for you for half a year. And _this_ is what I find!" I knocked the bottle off the table.

Silence spread. My eyes ran over the bar. The man who had been staring at me by the counter were doing it again, like the barkeeper and some of the other guests. I must have become quite loud, and deep inside I felt sorry for not being able to apply a kinder method to confront Chris with reality. But we just didn't have time for that. And yet I didn't know if he even remembered.

"BSAA..." he mumbled all of a sudden.

I perked up my ears and looked at him. He sat up fairly straight again, hands on the table, looking at the patch on my shoulder.

"It's where you belong," I said in a much softer tone than before. I would have loved to take his hands, but I didn't think he was ready for it. "Everyone's waiting for you."

"Everyone?"

I turned my head sidewards to give the others a sign. Jill, Jeff, Marco, and the others got up and gathered around the table. All of them, especially Jill, looked determined. Chris looked at them, one at a time, confused, perhaps even a little scared. He didn't really understand what was going on here.

"You're our captain and we want you back," I explained. "No... we _take_ you back. One way or another."

Chris looked at me, still hesitating for a while, but eventually implying a nod. It was more than I'd allowed myself to hope for.


	6. No hope left

**~ 6 ~ No hope left**

"Wow! That healed much faster and better than I could hope for!" Even Rebecca is astonished when she examines my halfway human arm in the morning, and I even feel like joking again.

"Do you think I'll have to return my great abilities too, as a price for my arm looking normal again? I mean, not everyone is able to shoot lightnings, that's actually pretty handy!" The crackling in the place where my hand should be sounds like approval.

But Rebecca wrinkles her forehead in distress. "To be honest, I don't know. The lab's study of the C-virus doesn't make much progress yet. Until a few days ago I couldn't even tell you whether or not the medication I treat you with is actually useful. But if I hadn't done anything at all, you would have died... or continued mutating..." She flushed. "Well... I thought I'd better test some medication on your body at my own discretion than let that happen."

So she's been giving me medication for "a few days". That at least gives me a rough idea of how long I've been in hospital so far.

"I owe you a whole lot. How can I ever make up for that?" I ask.

Now she smiles again. "By getting well again as soon as possible!"

I can't promise her that, but I'll try. And I _will_ come up with something to show her my gratitude. It feels great to be human again. But I very well know that there's yet another person I need to thank.

"Hey, Rebecca!" I call her back when she's about to leave. "Do you happen to know if Ada Wong is still around?"

She shakes her head. "I've seen her for the first and last time when she brought you here. I don't think she's still around."

Just as I expected. Ada has a lot to take care of. "Fine, never mind. See you later!"

I'm well aware that charity wasn't the only reason for Ada to save me. As an agent on behalf of God only knows who, she's constantly looking for now viruses, and I assume that now that she's gotten a sample of the C-virus out of my body, she's not really interested in me anymore. But I thank her nevertheless. Without her, I would not be here now.

If by the end of my mission in China someone had told me that in the near future I would be in hospital asking for that woman, I would have declared them insane. No, my opinion on Ada Wong was definitely not always the best. But I haven't always known what I know today.

We didn't have much time to prepare Chris for the mission in Lanshiang. He didn't have his memories back yet, but certain things still seemed to be stored safely in his brain, for example how to deal with pistols and other firearms.

We used the few days between the meeting at the bar and the new team's departure for China to have Chris run through a basic training. As soon as he wasn't allowed any more alcohol or other drugs, he actually did better than we expected.

I used every free minute to watch Chris training. He didn't notice, which I thought was good and bad at the same time. Good because my mind told me he took those preparations for the upcoming mission very seriously and didn't allow himself to get distracted although he still didn't know who he was and why he was doing that. Bad because the hole in my chest wished for him to not ignore me, but remember me so a new heart could grow there. Strictly speaking, my heart _was_ still there – but there were moments when I wished otherwise. Not only Chris had to concentrate on the mission, but me too, and my wounded feelings for him would only get in the way of both of us.

Our mission started on the last day of June, a night at the height of summer, and it was just as hot in China. For some reason I still found it necessary to take my distinctive scarf with me, for which Chris had always made fun of me in the past. Now he did not do that anymore.

I talked to Claire on the phone while the chopper was flying over the chaos the C-virus had caused in Lanshiang. The rumors that it was worse than Edonia seemed to be true.

"Don't worry, Claire." I spoke in a low voice in order to not disturb the others who were silently preparing for what was to come. I had already called her once, just after my meeting with Chris at the bar, but there hadn't been time to give her an detailed report on the situation.

"How am I supposed not to worry?" She sounded desperate. "It feels like everything's breaking down around me! I can't just follow my daily routine anymore, knowing that my brother is risking his life at the other end of the world at this very moment... and doesn't even know what for! Piers, are you sure it was a good idea to take him along? Doesn't the BSAA have any other captains?"

I looked over to Chris who sat still by the window, examining the chaos going on below us. "Other captains, yes. But none like him." He seemed to notice that I was talking about him because his facial expression changed slightly, but said nothing.

"Please, please take care of him!" Claire pleaded. "First Leon, now Chris... I couldn't bear that!"

"Leon?" I repeated, surprised. "What about him?"

"I haven't heard of him for two days either. You know he works for the president, right? Yesterday he drove to some hicksville called Tall Oaks to deliver a speech about the Raccoon City incident."

I nodded although she couldn't see the movement. The BSAA was aware that the president, Adam Benford, thought it was necessary to inform the public about the existence of biological weapons and the threat they posed.

"Leon went with him, as always, and promised to get in touch with me, but he didn't do so yet. And whenever I try to call him it says the number doesn't exist... Piers, I don't know what to do!" Claire sounded like she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. "Perhaps I'm just getting paranoid, but I was in Raccoon City and on Rockfort Island, I know about the seriousness of this situation, and when Leon promises to get in touch, but doesn't..." Her voice broke.

I would have loved to say something to comfort her, but nothing came to my mind. The thing about Leon was indeed quite strange. And the fact that Chris was about to face a new mission even worse than the one in Edonia didn't help it.

"Can I at least talk to him briefly? Even if he doesn't know who I am?" I heard Claire sob although she was trying to hide it. "Just a few words..."

"Of course," I said, leaned forward and held the phone out to him. He stared at it as if he'd never seen a device like that before.

"Your sister, Claire," I explained. "She's worried."

The prize for the understatement of the year clearly belonged to me.

Chris kept staring at the phone for a while, then at me, then at the phone again until finally he took it. But to my horror he just hung up and returned it to me.

"Are you crazy?" I snapped at him. "It was your sister!"

"I know, you already told me," he replied coolly. "But now is not the time for that."

I couldn't believe my ears. Sure, he didn't remember Claire, their common past and the relationship they maintained; they were much closer than I would ever be to my brothers. But did that excuse him for being an asshole like that?

I wanted to call Claire back and claim that Chris hadn't hung up on purpose, but unfortunately he was right about one thing: Now was not the time for that. The chopper had reached the target coordinates and everyone got up to rope down.

Alpha team consisted of Chris, me, Marco, Jeff, and two more men whose names I didn't know. Jill was not with us – she had returned to her position in the North American HQ after we had found Chris at the bar. Our assignment was to free some diplomats who had been taken hostage by the J'avo and to restore some peace in the streets of Lanshiang. Unfortunately we all knew that the latter was impossible to do. The town had been downright overrun by J'avo, the traditional zombies, and other monsters.

At least the first part of the mission proceeded according to schedule. We freed the hostages and the building they had been kept in was blown up to kill the remaining J'avo inside. With our captain, however, things didn't go so well. Whenever I tried to talk to him, no matter about what, he shut me up. Fortunately I was busy enough with other things to feel offended by his unfriendliness. I was rather worried about Claire who had to feel miserable, and hoped he would remember soon, not only for my sake.

I got my wish relatively early when at least a part of his memory returned shortly after receiving a cry for help from another team. Their location was an apartment building not far from us, but we were too late to save them. Just like Finn and the others in Edonia, they had become cocoons and it was only a matter of time when they would break free again as monsters. To prevent that from happening, another team came with flamethrowers to burn the cocoons as a precaution.

It was a tragedy, but it also had an upside nevertheless: One of the men was frozen in the middle of a forward movement, reaching out his arm – his cocoon looked exactly like Finn's. Chris's gaze fixated him and his eyes widened. At first I was afraid the sight would cause him to suffer another trauma, but when he suddenly whispered Finn's name, I realized he was beginning to remember.

"Chris?" I reached out my hand to touch his arm, experiencing a déjà vu myself while I was at it. The reflex had become ingrained and the last time the mention of Neo-Umbrella in Edonia had triggered it. But before I could touch him, Chris crouched down and grabbed his head, still looking at the figure resembling Finn.

"Where's Ada Wong?" he asked all of a sudden. His tone had changed. He had been sounding irritated all evening, but now there was real hatred in his words.

"Captain!" I approached him, surprised because I hadn't expected my wish to come true so quickly. "You remember?"

"Is she in the city or not?" He sounded even louder and angrier than before and gave me a look that wouldn't allow me to ignore his question once again.

But I didn't know the answer because the first and last time I had seen Ada Wong had been in Edonia half a year ago.

"Ask HQ. That's an order." He didn't deign to look at me when he went past me and left the apartment building.

"Yes, Sir." I whispered, unable to say anything else. He was my captain after all and I had to do as he said... Yes, my captain, that's what he was. No more, no less. I struggled against the lump in my throat and got in touch with HQ by radio.

What I saw when I went outside made me forget my bad mood. Chris was riding a hobbyhorse on the playground right in front of the house. On closer examination, it was not a horse, but a panda lying on its back so its head was right between Chris's legs. Was he aware of how strange that looked?

I chuckled, but said nothing about it and climbed on a nearby slide to sit and wait for HQ's return call there. They were checking whether or not they knew anything about Ada Wong's location. After a minute I couldn't help lying on my belly and sliding down head first into the sand box.

Chris had stopped rocking by now. He was sitting quietly on the panda, both legs on one side which looked much less offensive than before, and had his back turned on me. I wondered what he was thinking.

"What would make you happy right now?" The words came out of my mouth even before I could think about them.

Chris didn't move an inch and kept his head down. He only answered after a while. "It would make me extremely happy to find that bitch and blow her head off."

"No." He didn't understand what I was trying to say, but I hadn't made myself clear either. "What can _I_ do that would make you happy?"

I remembered saying the exact same words to him at another time, back then when I had applied for the job in person at his house.

Silence. Chris lifted his head, but didn't answer right away. I regretted the question. Now was definitely not the right time to talk about our relationship. But we had to wait for HQ's return call anyway, so I hadn't given it much thought.

"You're not the one of us who should ask that, are you?" he said then. "No, I should be the one. I'm making you unhappy, not the other way around."

"You've never made me unhappy," I disagreed. "Let me down? Maybe. But made me unhappy? No, definitely not."

"But it must have been a shock for you to see me like that, right? At that bar?" he asked, and I nodded unwillingly. "I'm sure you no longer respect me in the same way you did when I was still... different. Judging by how the others treat me, I must have been a true hero."

That confused me. "What... You don't remember how you once were?"

Chris didn't reply.

"But... just now, in the house! You remembered Finn, and Ada Wong too! I thought..." I became silent. His choice of words suddenly made more sense now. I realized he remembered _something_. The sight of the cocoon that looked like Finn had caused it, so now he remembered a few things that had to do with this matter. However, it still didn't mean he remembered _everything_.

Why hadn't I thought of this earlier? It was obvious that Chris still didn't know who I was. I felt embarrassed for what I had said.

But if the mere sight of something he had already seen before was enough to make him remember, why didn't my face have the same effect? What could I do for him to...

Nothing. My radio started ringing, meaning that HQ had news on Ada Wong's location, or maybe not, but in any case that was more important than my personal issues now. I answered the call as quickly as possible while Chris jumped up and studied my face eagerly, listening to every one of my words.

"HQ to Alpha team," the voice at the other end of the phone said. "We know where Ada Wong is..."


	7. Illusion and disillusion

**~ 7 ~ ****Illusion and disillusion**

The more the healing process advances, the faster it becomes. It doesn't take long anymore until the rest of my arm is cured too. I finally have my utterly normal right lower arm back, along with a right hand, fingers and fingernails. Apart from the skin being slightly brighter on this side than on the other and sparkling a bit – Rebecca can't say for sure if it's temporary or permanent –, both arms look identical.

They keep me in hospital to watch me, but at least I no longer have to lie in bed all day, the tubes are only attached at night, apart from that I'm free to move around and even to receive visitors. Jill and some other BSAA colleagues were the first to come, bringing along lots of presents. After what I've done for the world, but mostly for Chris, they celebrate me like a hero.

Claire was here too, happy to see me, but she doesn't feel good at the moment. Leon is back and she didn't have to tell me the story behind his mysterious disappearance during his assignment in Tall Oaks; I already knew it myself since Chris and I had met Leon in Lanshiang. Long story... But she claims that he has changed. She thinks he doesn't love her anymore, but doesn't tell her why. If that's really the case, I will have to have a serious word with him anytime soon.

Philip is visiting me today. Paul and Patrick already came yesterday, but my oldest brother didn't make it in time due to his work. At least he's here now, and even if he doesn't believe me, I'm glad to see him. My depressed expression when we stroll through the park adjacent to the hospital has nothing to do with him. It has to do with someone else not having showed up yet...

"And your arm is completely back to normal?" he inquires. "Without any harmful side effects?"

I stop, forgetting my concern about Chris for a moment. "Well..." I say when my brother stops too, shooting me a wondering gaze. "There are some special tricks I can still do."

I reach my right hand out to him like I want to greet him. He looks at it with one eyebrow raised, not sure what I'm up to, and then takes it. At first I shake his hand normally, smiling in his face – then I give him an electric shock that makes him cringe and pull his hand back.

"Ouch! What's that?"

"What's left of the C-virus in my blood," I explain, still grinning. "Great, isn't it? I can only do it with my right hand, but it's always a nice surprise."

Philip stares at me, waving his hand as if he had burned it. "A cool trick, yes, you're right. Do Paul and Patrick know it already?"

"No, you're the first in the family to have the honor. And to be honest, I don't want too many people to know about it. I already feel like a freak, that's enough for me, I don't want others to confirm it."

We resume our stroll.

"But seriously, Peeps. That's not the reason why you're making a face like this, is it?" he asks all of a sudden.

Damn! He has noticed something's wrong.

"It's because of him, right?" he continues without waiting for me to reply. "He still hasn't visited you."

"Who do you mean?" I ask, knowing he won't buy my false ignorance.

"Well... _him_."

Philip is talking about Chris and of course I know that. But I don't react, so he keeps on talking.

"What kind of guy is that? You almost died to save his ass and he doesn't even come to visit you in hospital."

"So you want to start with that again?" I notice how I get angry at him. No one is allowed to speak ill of Chris when I'm present, regardless whether or not he has visited me yet.

"You still want to defend him?" my brother asks. "Do you think he deserves that?"

"He might not even know that I have survived," I explain at once, clutching at every straw to explain Chris's behavior to myself. "According to Jill he has run off again..."

Philip utters a scornful "Oh", making me realize the flaws of my defense strategy. But it's true. Chris might not have _run off_ in the true sense of the word, but at least no one that Jill and I know has seen him since Lanshiang.

"This is getting better and better. Does your oh so great captain always run off when there's a problem? Why don't you introduce him to me if he ever hits on the idea to show up here. I would love to have a chat with him."

I don't like the look on Philip's face. He clenches a fist and hits the palm of his other hand with it, as if he was keen on beating someone up. I don't have to ponder for long to realize who that someone is. His reaction seems exaggerated to me.

"Could you stop that?" I push his fist down. "He hasn't harmed you or anything!"

"Yes, he has, more than once. He has broken my little brother's heart."

His words cause my hackles to raise. I stand still, this time not to play a trick on my brother. I want to tell him it's not what he thinks, that he's wrong. But when I open my mouth to talk, nothing comes out.

He sees what I'm trying to do and hurries to interrupt me before I can even start to distort the facts. "How long will you continue to pretend that he's nothing but your captain?"

"He _is_ my captain," I insist.

"Yeah, but he's more than that."

He's certainly right about that. But I don't tell him. I don't answer at all. There's no point anymore. I just stand there, in front of my brother, feeling ashamed. Philip, Paul and Patrick are honorable soldiers who had to fight for their positions. It never bothered me up until now that my BSAA career has started at the same time as my relationship with Chris, but now I feel like a traitor, like a slut.

Since I've been put into hospital, my desire not to be alone was never stronger than right now. I can try to fight it as much as I want, but at least I have to acknowledge to myself that Philip is right about one thing. I also ask myself where Chris is, if he's run off again... or if he has just forgotten about me. He's done it before.

"Today" should be at least a week from Lanshiang by now, but I still have no clue when exactly he started remembering me again and how much he knows. It was oppressively hot that night in China and all of us had a fiery temper as well, if not necessarily in a good way.

Shortly after Chris's decision to hunt down Ada Wong, we had to face a new threat, a snake, as long as a bus, with the ability to blend in like a chameleon so it became practically invisible. Just like the J'avo, it was given a Serbo-Croatian nick name: "Iluzja", meaning as much as "illusion".

Its partial invisibility provided it with a clear advantage when it started decimating our team of six, and when the first of us – one of the two whose names I didn't know – was attacked, we couldn't even see what it was that pulled him away from us through a long corridor. It felt like dealing with a ghost, yet Chris was still very determined to protect his men. He ran after the invisible danger until even the man was no longer in sight. I asked him if he'd completely lost his mind and he told me in front of everyone that my opinion didn't matter to him. "Fall in line, soldier!" was all he had to say to me.

The Iluzja kept on murdering. One of our soldiers was pulled through a hatch in the ceiling by the invisible force and never seen again. Jeff's body was found a few minutes later by Marco, who survived the last fight with the snake, but was infected with the C-virus by Ada herself when she briefly appeared by a window and shot him with a special pistol.

"Looking for me, boys?" she asked and disappeared before we could catch her.

Marco turned into a cocoon. Whatever burst out of it had to be disposed of by Chris and me, the only survivors of our team.

That was the moment when Chris snapped. We were in an office building, moving through a dark corridor, when he stopped and cried out in anger, ramming his fist into the file cabinet that had the misfortune to stand next to him. I hadn't been alert to that and it startled me, but at least I'd already been expecting something like that to happen sometime during the night.

"Chris, we need to stay calm!" I reminded him, no longer bothering to call him captain because there was no one left of our unit that could have felt strange about it.

"After all she's done to us..." he said in a low voice, then turned around and started to scream. "How many of our men are dead because of that bitch?"

"You're right about that, but your personal vendetta isn't going to change that! If you hadn't been blinded by vengeance, some of our men might still be alive!" I could hardly believe that I had just stated aloud what was really on my mind. But I was right; Chris had decided to hunt Ada without asking the others whether or not they were willing to join him.

He looked away from me and turned around. "Shut up." It was just a whisper, but impossible to misunderstand.

But I wouldn't leave it at that. I took a step in his direction. "Do you even care about our mission anymore?"

"Shut up!" This time it was a scream, he turned around and I expected to be slapped in a way that sent me flying through half of the room, but I risked it.

"You know what?" I yelled back, even though not as loud as him. "I feel sorry for all those men who died believing in you!"

That put him over the edge. The expected slap in the face didn't come, but I still cringed when he grabbed me by the shoulders, hurling me into one of the cabinets. Folders fell out of it, scattering loose papers over the floor. My back hurt from the impact, but the way he was looking at me hurt even more.

He looked at me like he hated me, and that I couldn't bear. I didn't mind him yelling at me, slapping me or throwing me against every single cabinet in this room, I was willing to take it all, but that look was too much. I wouldn't accept being hated by Chris. And so the words started to bubble out once again.

"What happened to the legendary Chris Redfield?" My voice was strong and hid my feelings quite well, I thought. I put my hands on his chest and pushed him away, but he didn't let go of my shoulders. "You used to be a hero everyone was looking up to! Today you are... I'm really glad Finn is not around to see what you are today!"

Once again I was downright expecting the slap in the face, but I continued to look at him without flinching. I still loved him, but someone just had to tell him this to his face. Someone had to show him where his limits were.

Yet I still felt sorry for him. A part of me wished to be able to just take back the hard words. While we were standing there for an endless minute, looking at each other grimly, the feelings I had tried to suppress all evening threatened to overwhelm me. Not that I had ever managed to successfully suppress them, but now I had to realize I had just as little control over myself as Chris.

It was sheer nostalgia and there was no way I could fight it. Everything about him attracted me. His face, his voice, his scent, the feeling of his hands on my shoulders and of his chest under my hands. He might be a broken man, broken like my heart after all that time without him, but my feelings were still intact.

And he was still beautiful. Blood splatters, dirt and sweat were covering his face that was distorted by anger as well – anger at me, among other things. Yet he still didn't lose any of his good looks. Everything was so familiar...

Involuntarily, I gave in to a daydream in which I put my hands firmly around his face so he couldn't look away anymore, and then kissed him fiercely like there was no tomorrow. He responded to the kiss and I kept dreaming that his grip on my shoulder came loose, that he put his muscular arms around me instead, hugging me with all his force. He stumbled backwards, bounced against the wall on the other side of the corridor and now it was me pressing him against it.

There were big windows on this side so every BSAA soldier who possibly happened to look in from outside would experience a strange surprise. But why should I care? It was just a dream, a fantasy – it was not like I was disregarding the goals of our mission. No one could blame me for imagining situations that I would rather be in than hunting monsters in China.

I got weak at the knees when I imagined Chris stroking my throat with his tongue, failed to keep my balance and pulled him down on the floor with me. We continued kissing and caressing each other there, still as fiercely in love as before that mission in Edonia which felt like it was ages away... No, nobody could blame me for that. I had wants and needs just like everyone else, most of them combined in Chris, and I had been forced to go without him for so long that it hurt just to think of it.

But then he suddenly stopped. "What's wrong?" I asked uncomprehendingly, my voice not much more than a whisper, until realization hit me like a blow to he back of my head. My intimate reunion with Chris hadn't been a daydream – it had really happened.

Chris got up and walked past me, not wasting another word on the matter. "I'll go after Ada," was the only thing he said.

I stayed lying down for another minute, staring at the ceiling without seeing it, listening to him as he got in touch with HQ to ask for Ada's location once again; the fight against the invisible snake had messed up our schedule.

"I'm going with you!" I said, determined, when I finally raised enough force to get up and stand on my trembling legs. "Someone has to take care of you, whether you want them to or not."

Chris turned to face me, but said nothing. He just looked at me briefly and went on, one hand on the radio. I took it as a confirmation.


	8. Leon and Ada

**~ 8 ~ Leon and Ada**

When we finally found Ada, for a few hopeful seconds it looked like her game was over. We had her where we wanted her and there was nowhere else to run for her unless she was willing to jump over the railing. That was not a good idea – we were on a catwalk beneath the ceiling of a very tall warehouse.

She was standing in one of the places where the catwalk made a curve while Chris and I approached her from different directions with raised guns, forcing her into a corner. We weren't alone in the building; we had heard footsteps and voices very recently. A man and a woman were somewhere near us.

Ada was dressed the same way as back in Edonia: a low-cut blue dress, a red scarf around her neck and black ankle boots. She was carrying a white suitcase this time that she was holding on to tightly with her left hand like she wouldn't give it to us voluntarily. I could imagine what was in there; something that had to do with the C-virus, and we would take it away from her when she was dead.

There were only a few seconds left at best. Now that she was standing right in front of me again, the suppressed feelings of hatred that had driven Chris insane during the last hours made me sick again. She made an unbelieving, nearly innocent face as her eyes twitched back and forth between Chris and me, but I knew exactly that she had the blood of Finn and the others on her hands, and who knows how many other people she had killed. My index finger was bent around the trigger and itched me to pull it, but I would leave that to Chris.

He seemed to hesitate, but judging by the look on his face, he didn't scruple. I guess he was just considering which part of her body to shoot first, where it would hurt the most.

"Go to hell, Ada!" I heard him say, and then – bang!

But Ada didn't fall over. I was expecting to see her blood splattering the wall, but that's where the bullets from Chris's machine gun went instead. How could he miss from such a short distance?

I aimed my gun at Ada, just in case she would try to flee, which was completely out of the question. A look in Chris's direction and I saw what had prevented him from aiming better: A shadowy figure had kicked the gun out of his hand and was now fighting against him.

I resisted the urge to yank my gun around and back Chris up with firepower. First of all, I couldn't lose sight of that treacherous woman for one second, and secondly, he and the other guy were moving so fast that even a talented sharp shooter like me couldn't shoot without putting Chris in danger. The other man was considerably skinnier than him, though. If only Chris managed to deliver one proper punch...

The stranger grabbed Chris from behind. Chris pulled him over the shoulder and threw him to the floor. He rolled over, got his pistol out and turned around to Chris who was aiming a pistol at him too. A big window allowed for blinding neon light from the streets of Lanshiang to brighten the hall, and now that he didn't move anymore I realized who the other man was – and my jaw dropped. What was _he_ doing here? And why was he attacking Chris?

"Leon?" Chris was just as surprised as I was, and Leon, too, didn't look like he had known before who his adversary was. But although they both knew now who they were facing, none of them wanted to be the first to lower his gun.

Then someone else emerged from the shadows: I noticed her red vest before her face came into the light and for a second I thought it was Claire, but that was, of course, ridiculous. When I fully saw her, I distinguished a woman of approximately my age, her hair brown and shoulder-length, a pistol in her hand too, although she seemed unsure who to aim at. No, that wasn't Claire. I'd never seen her before.

"Put your gun down, Chris. She's a key witness, we need her." It was obvious that Leon was referring to Ada and not to the other woman.

"A witness? Are you out of your mind?" Chris started yelling right away. "She's the one responsible for this whole mess! I've lost my whole team because of her, more than once!"

Leon stayed exceptionally calm when he replied. "And I lost over seventy thousand people, including President Benford, the major part of the civilians of Tall Oaks and Helena's sister." The brown-haired woman grimaced. "But Ada is not the one you're looking for. The man behind all this is Derek Simmons, National Security adviser."

National Security... That sounded familiar to me. I was sure I had heard about that organization before. Hadn't I even met someone who worked for it? Hadn't Sherry Moonface Birkin said...

"She's working for Neo-Umbrella!" Chris shouted. "And you were in Raccoon City with my sister when Umbrella was in power there. _You_ of all people should know what that means!"

"Ada was in Raccoon City too..."

"Oh, _what_ a coincidence!" Chris yelled at Leon, and for a short moment I feared he was going to shoot Claire's boyfriend in the face.

But now I understood why Leon was protecting Ada Wong; those two had known each other before.

I was distracted for just one second, but that was enough for Ada. The next time I looked at her, a grenade fell out of her hand, and everything happened very fast. I called Chris's name, Leon turned around, the grenade emitted a bright light and we all yanked our hands up to protect our eyes.

When I could see again, Ada was gone. At least she was no longer standing where I was aiming my gun. I looked over the railing and saw her down there, unable to explain how she had gotten there so fast. When she didn't react to my request to freeze, I no longer cared what she meant to Leon and opened fire. She jumped into a red convertible and I started running, looking for the quickest way down. There were steps behind me.

"Helena!" I heard Leon call, and the next voice I heard was the one of the woman I didn't know: "He's going to kill her!"

Oh yes, that's what I was planning. I didn't know what Leon and Ada had to do with each other, but I didn't care either. That guy must be mad to still defend her after all she had done...

This feels somehow familiar to me. And now, in the evening, sitting on my bed again and staring at the bleak walls of the sickroom, I understand. Claire thinks Leon does not love her anymore... Could Ada be the reason for it? Has he been in love with her ever since the Raccoon City incident? I know it's not an appropriate comparison, as global bioterrorism is much more serious than relationship problems, but today I defended Chris heavily against my brother even though certainly every impartial observer would have agreed with Philip.

This is where love ends up... And Leon's love ended up falling very deep during that fateful night in Lanshiang. Ada drove away in her convertible, we got on a vehicle as well and started a rapid car chase through the whole town. She tried to hide in a building by the harbor, but we followed her there, mercilessly continuing the game of cat-and-mouse. She seemed to enjoy giving us the run-around: Sometimes she lured us into one direction just to wave at us mischievously from the other direction afterward, or she took the elevator up right in front of us and as soon as we'd found our own way upstairs, we saw her run around downstairs.

There was something uncanny about the situation, though. It seemed like Ada Wong not only was an expert in getting out of risky situations, but she must have worked as a runway model at some time in her past, considering how quickly she could change her clothes. Sometimes we saw her in the blue dress with the red scarf, next time she was suddenly wearing a red blouse and black leather pants, and another few minutes later she had changed back to the blue dress. I thought it was strange, but Chris didn't seem to notice and I didn't consider it important enough to bring it up. We would arrest her anyway, no matter what she was wearing.

Yes, arrest her, nothing more. While I had run off to stop her, Leon and that Helena had persuaded Chris to only take Ada into custody instead of killing her while they set out to catch Simmons who, or so they said, was the real mastermind behind the bioterrorist activities. So we weren't allowed to shoot at Ada anymore. I didn't care what happened to that snake, but Leon was Claire's boyfriend, and for the sake of peace in the house of Redfield I hoped Chris would be able to pull himself together when he faced her again.

An opportunity to find that out arose very soon. We found Ada – in the blue dress – on a balcony without railing where it looked like she had nowhere to go. But we'd already made the mistake of thinking that way and this time I would keep my eyes on her, no matter what happened around us.

"You still haven't had enough?" she asked, apparently talking to Chris, with that same smug grin her face had shown us in Edonia. Other than in the warehouse she didn't play the innocent anymore, but that might have been a ploy to deceive Leon right from the beginning. "You've lost all your men again... Astonishing! With your track records, one should be glad not to be on your team, Chris!"

Chris took a step in her direction with his finger bending dangerously around the trigger. But he could control himself – so far.

Now Ada turned to me. "Say... you appear to be your captain's favorite henchman, considering how long you've been alive now, but don't you sometimes fear he might abandon you to save his own life? That would be so much like him."

I would have loved to shoot her for the way she talked about Chris. But as long as he was able to control his feelings, I would do the same. "I would die for my captain at any given time. And you? Do you have someone who would die for you too?"

The grin disappeared from her face. That had hit home. And I noticed that Chris was now looking at me too. Yes, I was serious.

"Well, if so..." said Ada. "From the look of things, you won't have to wait long for your chance to become a martyr."

With lightning speed she raised her pistol, aiming at Chris, the echo of a shot broke the silence of the night... and Ada dropped her gun and reached for her chest with blood coming out of it and dripping to the floor. At first I assumed Chris had shot, but he was just as puzzled as I was. We looked around, but couldn't find the shooter anywhere. Ada stumbled backwards and fell over the edge of the balcony where the railing should have been. When we got there, she was lying twenty meters below in a pool of her own blood, not moving anymore.

"I guess this is it." I looked away from her dead body and examined what she'd left behind. The white suitcase she had been so protective of at the warehouse was still there. On opening it I found a syringe. "What's that?"

"Most likely a variant of the C-virus," Chris assumed. "Make sure you don't touch that stuff! We'll bring it to HQ and let our scientists take care of it."

"Yes, Sir," I said, put the syringe in one of my vest pockets and went in the direction of the door leading into the building.

"Piers! Wait."

I stopped dead in my tracks. It was the first time Chris said my name since I found him at that bar. My heart leaped. Now that Ada Wong was no longer a threat, our mission was as good as clear. Maybe Chris wanted to pick up from where we'd left off after that argument... or at least talk about it.

"When you said..." He hesitated. "I mean, that you would die for me... Were you serious about that?"

I turned around slowly, thinking about a way to not make my answer sound too cheesy. I came to the conclusion that it was impossible – sometimes the truth just sounds cheesy, especially when it contains feelings.

"I'd do anything for you, Chris. All you have to do is ask," I muttered eventually. "And you can always count on me, I promise."

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

For some reason I didn't feel ashamed looking into his eyes this time. I couldn't read his expression, didn't know what he was thinking. But I knew I was telling the truth, and why should I be ashamed for that? There still was a possibility that he did not remember our time together, but why should that prevent me from calling a spade a spade? If I didn't do that, it might be too late sometime...

"Later, when this is over and we're allowed to leave..." Chris hesitated again. "Then we'll talk about everything, okay?"

I nodded. The thought gave me hope.

His radio rang. He ignored it and looked at me instead. Only when I told him several times to answer the call, he did so eventually.

"Leon, where are you?"

I turned away and breathed in the warm evening air, letting my glance wander about the other harbor buildings. I had a long night behind me and was tired, so I hoped Leon's call didn't mean anything serious. Considering that we were at war, this part of the town was amazingly quiet.

But then I saw something on one of the other buildings. A shadow swinging back and forth between the roofs on something that looked like a rope. I reached for my gun automatically, thinking it was a J'avo, but...

"There's something else, Leon." Chris's voice, louder now because he was standing right beside me, got me out of my thoughts. "Something you should know. Ada Wong... She is dead."

Then he hung up and turned to me. "Bad news. It looks like we'll have to postpone our quitting time. According to Leon, there's an antidote to the C-virus. It was found inside the blood of a man."

"But isn't that great?" I said.

"Yes, but Neo-Umbrella has captured that man to misuse his blood for their own purposes. We need to get him out of there first, and we even know him already." Chris took a deep breath like he was trying to kill time, as if there was something else he didn't want to say. "His name is Jake Muller and we met him in Edonia along with Sherry Birkin. He's Albert Wesker's son."

That took me by surprise. We ran off and Chris promised to explain everything on the way. I cast a last glance at the roofs of the other houses, but the red blouse and the black leather pants I thought I had spotted were no longer in sight...


	9. Wesker's son

**~ 9 ~ Wesker's son**

I'm like a cat. I have seven lives – or nine, depending on who you ask. I think I'm in my fourth life now. I survived Edonia although all my team members (besides Chris) died. Maybe because I'm a cat. I survived Lanshiang although once again everybody died. Certainly because I'm a cat. And I survived yet another incident although even Chris thought – or possibly still thinks – I didn't. I _must_ be a cat.

But that's not the only thing I have in common with this animal. We both have a strong aversion to water, although in my case I only developed it very recently. So I don't like Rebecca's order to shower every day so my arm doesn't get infected. Well, I don't want that either, so I follow the order, always getting it over with as quickly as possible... And every time I stand under the shower head, reluctantly allowing the water to splash me from top to bottom, I have to think about how the thing with my arm has happened in the first place. Of course it's not the fault of the water itself, but I was surrounded by it when I did what had to be done.

Jake Muller and Sherry Birkin were kept prisoners at Neo-Umbrella's underwater base near the coast of Lanshiang. Chris and I had to take care of them since we were the only available agents in the area.

"I hate that guy," I remarked as we were riding an elevator down through a glass shaft, the fascinating world of the sea surrounding us. I couldn't care less about it at the moment.

Chris said nothing. He was just staring out through the glass walls without seeing anything. His body was there, but his spirit was somewhere else.

"Just in case we ever sleep with each other again... Do you think it would improve our love life if I had a sex change?" I teased him. But all my attempts to provoke a reaction failed. I sighed.

"Do you remember Wesker?" I asked after an embarrassing minute of silence.

He took his time answering. But at least he answered at all. "I remember him, but I don't know if what I know is all there is. And if it's right. My memories still haven't fully returned yet. Albert Wesker... If he really was a terrorist, one of the kind we're chasing here, then why did I..." He stopped abruptly and turned away so I could no longer see his face. He looked ashamed, and I knew what was bothering him.

"You can't choose things like these," I said softly. "It just happens, whether you want it or not."

Chris's silence told me I was right about my assumption.

"Will you endure to see Jake, now that you know who his father was?" I asked. At some point during the last half hour I had realized that this was the reason for him believing to have met Scarface before back in Edonia.

"What choice do I have?" he replied. "He's the key to the salvation of mankind, which his father almost had exterminated... what an irony. But it is what it is and we must do what we can to protect him."

I nodded. I still didn't like the idea that this asshole of all people was carrying the antibodies to the C-virus in his blood. And my opinion didn't change when we ran into him and Moonface at last. They had managed to get out of the cell they'd been held prisoners in, but without our help they wouldn't have been able to leave the surrounding area. Chris and I opened a big bulkhead with a spacious round room on the other side. That's where they came towards us.

"Chris!" Sherry had a wide smile on her face as if she knew what we were there for. "You've come to save us!"

Jake didn't seem as pleased to see us. "Chris, Chris, Chris... Always the big hero, aren't you?" He turned away and his contempt got me irritated. I had neither hoped nor expected him to fall on his knees in front of us, but a little more gratitude would have been appropriate. But I did what I had asked of Chris during our chase after Ada Wong and pulled myself together. Now was not the time to freak out.

"You remind me of your father," Chris said, observing Scarface all the time. There was something in his eyes I didn't quite know how to interpret. It could be nostalgia, sadness, or something completely different. I could hardly put myself in his shoes, but it was obvious that some feelings for Wesker still existed there somewhere.

In any case, the statement was enough to attract Jake's attention. "You knew him?" he asked, very eager all of a sudden, and started slowly moving towards Chris while I was hoping he wouldn't tell him everything.

But Chris's next confession blasted my hopes. "I'm the one that killed him."

Silence. Chris looked into Jake's eyes, who turned his head to face Sherry, she turned away, gazing into space with a guilty expression. So she had known. Seconds passed slowly and agonizingly, I didn't know what to do or say. Then, suddenly, Jake pulled his pistol. Before I knew it he was aiming at Chris's face, and I automatically yanked my gun up as well. Sherry looked frightened, waving around her hands, but didn't dare to get any closer. Only Chris seemed to be calmness in person.

"This is between me and him. Put your gun down," Chris told me, still facing Jake.

But I didn't listen. He might be my captain, but I would not follow any order forcing me to abandon him. My gun stayed where it was and I was determined to shoot as soon as Jake's finger bent too happily around the trigger of his pistol.

"I know we need your blood, but it doesn't mean you'll get away with everything!" I hissed through my teeth. "It's possible to extract blood from a dead body too."

But Jake ignored me. He was fixated on Chris just like the other way around. "Better put a leash on your puppy here! And a muzzle too," was all he said, jerking his head in my direction, before he got back to the main topic, his father. "Were you just following orders or was it personal?"

Chris seemed to think about it for a while, but I already knew the answer before he gave it. "Both."

I could tell it was hard for him to talk about that just like I could tell that Jake didn't like the answer at all. But I was too late. That living miscarriage had not only inherited the blood from his father, but his speed as well, and the noise of the shot made me jump before I could even see his finger bending.

Cringing, I turned my head. Chris was still standing. In the wall behind him there was a hole the size of the bullet that had merely left a bloody scratch on Chris's face. Whether Jake had decided not to shoot him at the last second or accidentally missed his target in his rage, I didn't care. He had crossed the line.

I put as much strength I could bring up into my punch that hit Jake's face, thrusting him backwards. A second later I was by Chris's side, holding his face in one hand and examining the injury, knowing it could have turned out much worse. With the other hand I still clung to my gun, just in case Jake came up with the idea of raising his again. I had already disliked him in Edonia, but now I hated him just as much as Ada Wong.

But Scarface didn't mind me, didn't take revenge on me for the bleeding, possibly broken nose I had given him. He only looked at Chris, just like Wesker, according to Chris's stories, had never noticed anyone beside him. "There are more important things at stake than you and me right now," Jake said. "But I'm not done with you yet and I haven't forgiven you either!"

"No one asked your forgiveness anyway!" I barked.

"Piers!" There it was again, that authoritative tone in Chris's voice. I looked at him. "Let it be," he ordered.

I lowered the hand I had touched his face with and gave Jake a murderous look. But he was partially right: There were more important things to worry about than our divergencies. As if it was meant to be a confirmation, something cracked. It sounded like the breaking shell of an oversized egg.

Only now I noticed the ugly cocoon hanging from the ceiling of the hall that was several stories high. It consisted mostly of the same material that had wrapped up our men in Edonia, but that was where the similarities ended. That thing was _huge_ and not even roughly shaped like a human. It was a giant monster about to be born.

"You must go now!" Chris told Jake and Sherry, but addressing the following words to her only. "Take care of him."

Sherry nodded and started running towards the bulkhead we had come through, taking Jake's hand in the process and dragging him along. But she kept turning her head and looking back at us until she was out of sight. She apparently didn't like the idea to leave us alone with that huge monster. Other than Jake, she seemed to have a heart. But it was important that the two of them got out of this facility as quickly as possible. _We_ were members of the BSAA, so it was _our_ job to make sure that monster never became a threat.

What hatched from the cocoon in the end was a hideous mixture of an overgrown human and a blue glowing jellyfish. It was even bigger than the monster that had attacked us in the streets of Edonia, and even before the first shot was fired, we silently agreed that we didn't stand a chance by doing it the traditional way. So we looked for and activated the facility's self-destruct sequence when we were sure that Sherry and Jake were already on their way out.

But the giant jellyfish was not at all content with out plans. It followed us through the big halls of the facility and whenever we fled through a comparatively narrow corridor it couldn't enter, it would find another way to catch up with us. Its massive body kept damaging the walls, further accelerating the process of self-destruction.

One room had a leak and was slowly filling with water when we got there. The jellyfish was close on our heels, using its enormous arms to crawl through the wide corridor directly leading to the room we were in. Chris ran, as fast as he could in the knee-deep water, to a control panel on the wall next to the opening leading to the corridor and somehow managed to close the bulkhead when the jellyfish was only halfway through it. The extremely heavy bulkhead rushed down, separating its nearly human, but way too big upper body from the lower half. The monster cried, a sound piercing marrow and bone, and lashed out. Its head that looked like a skull bobbed back and forth.

How could it still be alive? I dodged one of its arms when it tried to grab me, just to see the other arm catching Chris. He lost his gun and had no chance of getting out of the monster's strong grip when it lifted him up in the air.

"No!" I yelled, aiming at our enemy's face with my submachine gun, and started to shoot. The bullets didn't seem to cause any serious damage, yet the monster still lifted its other arm to protect its face – before striking very quickly. I couldn't react as fast as the enormous fist hit my chest, flinging me across half of the room. The collision with the wall beat the air out of my lungs, but it was nothing compared to the pain that followed.

I slipped down on the wall and cried out when something big and sharp pierced into my right upper arm from below, just a few inches away from the armpit. It was the worst pain I'd ever felt, and then there was the shock when I turned my head to look at the injury. The pointy debris had almost pierced through the whole width of my arm; only two thin strands on both sides still connected it to the rest of the body. The panic stunned me more than the physical pain.

A choking scream drew my attention to Chris. He was kicking with his feet, trying with all of his force to free himself from the monster's tightening grasp, but even his muscles were nothing in comparison to the strength of his overpowering enemy. It would take the monster only a few more seconds to crush him in its hand.

I was stuck, unable to go anywhere, and my submachine gun was nowhere in reach. I couldn't even see it. But when I looked around, desperately looking for something that could help us, I saw it – the syringe I had taken from Ada Wong's suitcase. The syringe that, as Chris assumed, was carrying a sample of the C-virus. The virus that had turned the J'avo into what they were. The J'avo whose bodies regenerated in a monstrous way when you shot their limbs off...

The thoughts were flying through my head. Within seconds I had invented a plan that might work, or not. But there was no time to think about it too much – Chris's life was at stake and that was what pushed me when I clenched my teeth, getting ready for the most desperate action I had come up with since the beginning of this night.

I cried out in pain that brought tears to my eyes when I started breaking loose. I tugged on my arm again and again, each time stronger than before, until I teared the thin strands apart and was able to get up. My severed arm stayed where it was and I stumbled through the water towards the syringe, the pain making me dizzy. When I finally reached it, I didn't hesitate one second. I pushed it into my shoulder where my arm had been less than a minute ago, and the effect became visible at once. Just like I had seen it so often with the J'avo, a monstrous surrogate arm materialized within seconds as if it was growing from my shoulder.

Although that was the effect I had hoped for and expected, I couldn't suppress a little scream when I realized I had become one of the monsters we were chasing. But I could already feel that I was stronger than the usual J'avo; the lower end of my new weapon was spraying blue sparks, sounding like a short circuit. Whatever kind of the C-virus had been in that syringe – it had bestowed a biological taser gun on me.


	10. The promise

**~ 10 ~ The promise**

Fortunately, today there's nothing left of the taser gun except for its highly useful function. I can still deal electric shocks to others while I myself remain protected from the effects, just like now if I tried to create a lightning in the shower.

The showers at the BSAA hospital are small and boring, nothing special. There's not much to choose from in the way of shower gel, but there's a white one on my tray called "Snowflake" which smells better than anything my nose has ever smelled before. I apply it to my body while the lukewarm water continues to rain down on me, and think about Chris as I always do when I'm on my own.

At first my thoughts are harmless, but they get dirty when my hand touches that specific part of my body to apply soap to it too. I think about how long it's been. The quickie in the shower before leaving for Edonia was the last time Chris and I had sex. Now I'm in the shower again, and while he's not physically present, my memories are all the more vivid. I close my eyes and let them in as I start playing with myself.

The good thing is I don't even need to strain my imagination. Chris and I have gone through pretty much all existing positions in reality, so when I need erotic thoughts to reach the climax, all I have to do is remember. Not having enjoyed this kind of amusement for more than half a year, I thought I'd gone rusty at fist, but it turns out I'm just all the more loaded. It doesn't take long.

I laugh out loud when a big load of the white stuff squirts the glass wall of my shower stall where it is washed away by the water immediately. After that, however, the happiness fades and I'm serious again. Chris...

Where is he now, at this precise moment? What is he doing? What is he thinking about? I hope Jill and the others will find him soon. I couldn't bear if he sank into depression again because of me while I'm right here, waiting for him. Or did he forget me? Is my brother right after all? Perhaps he's glad to be rid of me. Perhaps the sacrifice I've made for him was not as great as everybody thinks... Considering that I was sure I had no other choice...

I lean against the wall, slowly sliding down on it until my butt reaches the ground. I've already been in the shower longer than ever before now since the hospital has become my temporary home. Although it tortures me, I can't help but consider the possibility that Chris doesn't care about me over and over again. That feeling from another time returns – the feeling that there's no heart in my chest anymore. Even though it was my arm I amputated at Neo-Umbrella's underwater base, that part of my body has returned... but something else, something much more important, is missing in its place.

I don't look at the clock, therefore I don't know for how long I'm still sitting there, feeling sorry for myself. I eventually turn off the water, get out of the shower and return to my room, wrapped in a towel, keeping my head down. When I sit down on my bed, sighing, considering never getting up again, I hear a hollow throbbing as if someone was striking against glass. Although I don't care what it is, I turn my head to face the glass wall through which I can see the corridor... and jump up, not sure whether I actually see or just _wish_ to see it.

There he stands with an unbelieving look on his face: Chris. He presses himself against the wall, giving me a sense of déjà vu. I was presented with the same sight the last time we saw each other. I will never forget that. Me with my arm that has mutated into a taser gun on one, a desperate Chris on the other side of the window he strikes against with his fist. And then... the ugly skull of the creature we thought we had defeated once and for all...

I was aware that I would give Chris some electric burns, and as much as I hated the thought of hurting him, there was no other way to free him. So I aimed at the face of the monster with my arm as I had done before with my firearm, concentrated and shot a lightning at it. It created a connection of blue light like laser beams between us, the jellyfish shrieked and convulsed, Chris did the same, and then it finally let go of him. I cut off the connection before he landed in the water.

Chris, not realizing what had just saved him, turned around to look for me and his eyes widened in horror when he saw what I had become.

"Out of the water!" I shouted to him. There was no time for explanations. It was the first time I gave my captain an order and not the other way around, but he followed it at once. He quickly climbed on a high stable crate the water had not reached yet, and I turned on the monster again.

The jellyfish seemed to have recovered well from the first weak electric shock, but I had only tested my new powers at first while also looking out for Chris. Now I used them again, this time with all the force I could produce. I felt the electricity in the water which had risen to the height of my bottom by now, but it didn't hurt me. I only felt a tickle while the jellyfish was nearly barbecued.

I looked at Chris for a second to make sure he wasn't touching the water before finishing the creature off. It shrieked one last time, then it fell over and stayed lying down in the water.

I did the same. The power left my body, I collapsed and apparently lost conscience for a short while. When I came around, Chris was holding me in his arms, looking like he was about to start crying. "Piers, what have you done?"

"It was the only possibility... to save you!" Speaking was difficult as if the virus in my blood was trying to prevent me from doing so. I didn't feel well. My mutated arm ached, and the pain was starting to slowly spread all over my body. He helped me to get up.

"Go." I pointed at a door leading out of the room while the water level around us kept rising. "Leave me here. I would only... slow you down... in this state." I looked at my arm, contorting my face in disgust.

"Have you lost your mind?" Chris had reached me and took my face in both hands. "We'll get out of here together!"

I shook my head, convinced that it was too late, but he wouldn't give up. He was pleading now. "Everything's going to be alright, do you hear me? Jake's blood has the antibodies. Our scientists will figure out a way to help you. I'm not going without you, understood?"

I looked into his blue eyes, recognizing true concern in them. I knew he wouldn't be convinced to leave me, so I nodded and agreed to go with him, deciding to keep myself under control for as long as possible. For as long as it would take for him to get into safety I would not allow the virus to seize hold of me. I would not go down without a fight.

There wasn't much time left until the self-destruction, but it didn't take us long to find the escape pods. Chris had to support me because I wasn't strong enough to walk the last part without help, feeling ashamed.

"Soon we'll be out of here!" he promised when he sat me down on the floor next to the entrance to one of the pods and pressed a few buttons on a panel on the wall to open the door and prepare the launch of the pod. They were round and big enough for about three people.

The pain in my arm grew stronger. I knew I didn't have long anymore. Once I was in that capsule with Chris, there was nothing left to do for me to protect him from myself. I would mutate further, lose my common sense and attack him. I'd either kill him or have him kill me. He wouldn't have the heart to do the latter, I knew that. So I would kill him.

No, I told myself. I would not.

"Okay, I think I know how it works." Chris came back, bowed down to me to help me get on my feet. He smiled confidently. "You'll see, just a few seconds and we'll be out of here."

I walked with him until we were right in front of the entrance to the pod, and stopped. He tried to pull me in, but I fought back. My thoughts were only revolving around _not_ killing him.

"Piers, what's wrong?" he asked anxiously. "We're out of time, everything is about to break down around us!"

"I... promised you... something," I muttered. "I promised you that you could always... count on me... remember?"

Chris gave me a serious look, shaking his head. He didn't understand.

"And now... I will keep... the promise. I won't... let anything... happen to you!"

He opened his mouth, but before he could speak I pushed him away with all of my remaining force. He fell into the pod and the door shut before he could get back on his feet.

"Piers, no! Don't do this!" He had to scream so I could hear him. He struck against the door which would not open anymore, looking at me through the round window.

I turned away and shook my head. It was too late for me.

"Damn it, listen to me! Open this door, that's an order!" he screamed. "I'm not going without you!"

The base started collapsing and he only had to press a button in the pod to make sure he was shot into the sea. But I was afraid he would rather die down here than persuade himself to do so. So I took a brief look around, spotted a small lever next to the panel and assumed that pulling it would induce the launch from here. Chris's continuous pleading to open the door followed me as I went there.

"No!" he yelled after I had pulled the lever. Lights flashed as the pod was prepared for launch. I returned to the window to see his face once more before I died.

It was so beautiful... Even though it was now distorted by concern and sadness – and by resignation when he realized that there was nothing left he could do for me. I'd already noticed before that no negative emotion was able to warp his face in a way that I no longer liked it.

Despite my situation, I was happy for the first time since I had found him at the bar. I was happy that his face would be the last thing I saw before I transformed into a monster. Everything was collapsing around me, water was pouring in from all sides, but nothing could disturb my happiness. If my stiffened facial features had allowed, I'm sure I would have smiled.

"I love you!" Chris shouted to me.

Or at least I thought I was hearing something like that. I couldn't be sure anymore because my senses were starting to go crazy. But I just imagined he had said it, and he knew I loved him too. That was the reason I did what I did. What had to be done. Why I sacrificed my life to save his.

I saw a single tear running down his cheek while we were looking into each other's eyes, and we didn't lose that eye contact for one second when the pod started moving very quickly and darted off. I heard him scream my name one last time, then he was so far gone I couldn't see him anymore. Yet I could still see the pod – and the shapeless shadow approaching it.

The jellyfish monster! It was still alive and had found a way out of the base. And now it was moving towards the escape pod, meaning to eat Chris. It seemed like I hadn't earned my retirement yet.

My arm started crackling electrically as if it knew what I was up to. I aimed it at the pod the monster was attacking – a part of the lower half of its body had already grown back – and tried to focus with the last of my strength.

"You... won't... hurt... him!" I muttered, although no one could hear me, and then I stopped talking since it was unnecessarily exhausting.

My mutated arm heated up due to the force of the lightning I was preparing, and then, when I thought it couldn't get any stronger, I released it on the monster. Bingo! The electric shock hit the jellyfish in the back and ripped it to pieces, its blood colored the water red, and Chris's pod continued floating upwards. The light inside had gone out, but I had a feeling that Chris was alright... and that he'd get over it.

He was safe. It was the only thing that counted for me and I could be happy again. I don't know if I was actually smiling, but what spread on my face at least felt like a smile when I fell down to my knees and leaned against the wall, hell breaking loose around me.

Peacefully awaiting death, I closed my eyes and immediately saw Chris's face in front of me. I saw the escape pod break through the water surface and open. He stepped out in the air, clinging to the door frame with one hand and protecting his blinking eyes from the light of the rising sun.

In the distance he could hear the sound of a propeller cutting through the air. As soon as his eyes had gotten used to the daylight after the darkness of the underwater base, he looked up and spotted a chopper on the horizon flying towards him. In it were Leon and Helena who had managed to defeat Derek Simmons and were now on their way to finish what the president had started before falling victim to the bioterrorism attack in Tall Oaks: Someone had to tell the world about the danger of bioterrorism. But people would also learn about the heroes they could count on. Heroes who would be there to protect them when it mattered again. Heroes of the BSAA, heroes like Chris.

It was a beautiful last thought.


	11. Rebirth

**This is SO cheesy... I hope you can forgive me.**

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**~ 11 ~ ****Rebirth**

The door opens and Chris runs in my direction. I stand there like frozen.

Rebecca's high voice echoes through the outside corridor. "Just wait until he's..." She stops at the door, sees me and lowers her voice. "Oh... So you're done. Well, then..." She gets out and closes the door behind her.

Chris stands in front of me, staring at me as if he couldn't believe what he sees. The only thing moving about him is his eyes that can't stand still. He scrutinizes me from top to bottom, examines my right arm which is still sparkling, but looking normal otherwise, and then we look into each other's eyes. It's hard for me to believe that he is really there, but what must it be like for him?

Still stunned, he lifts one hand and places it on my bare shoulder. It's warm. And it feels real. He must be thinking the same thing about my shoulder.

"You..." he mutters. "You are..."

"Wait," I say on spotting the curious looks on the other side of the window. Looks from people who happen to pass by for the fifth or sixth time by now, no longer looking as inconspicuous as they would like to think. When I get to the window and close the curtain, I swear I can hear a disappointed sigh, but some privacy should be allowed.

I turn around to go back to Chris, but he's already there. Before I can say something, he puts his arms around me and squeezes me so tightly I can hardly breathe. But I won't complain. I just hug him back and we remain still like that for a few minutes.

Something cold, wet drips on my shoulder where Chris is hiding his face. One drop, then another one. I stroke his head gently and allow him to cry. Words are not necessary since tears create an own language the body automatically resorts to when words cannot describe the feelings within. I understand that only too well.

"I went to a bar again," he says suddenly, mumbling it into my shoulder so I hardly hear it. "After your death... I resigned. Not officially, but I left the BSAA... and went to a bar."

"Again?" I ask, worried yet soft.

"All the time I was hoping for you to come through the door and talk sense into me again, like before our mission in China." He makes a short break to swallow the lump in his throat. "When you didn't come... I started drinking... thought if I just get drunk enough, I'll at least imagine you to be there... But you stayed away."

"I've been here all the time," I explain and keep on stroking his head. "You probably won't believe it, but I owe my life to Ada Wong. She found me shortly after you were gone and persuaded me to flee with her... She gave me all kinds of stuff to keep the pain and the mutation under control..."

"Ada?" Chris lifts his head to look at me. His arms stay where they are and his eyes are reddened by the tears. "She's still alive?"

"Yes... I mean, no." I shake my head. "The Ada who fell off the roof right in front of our eyes, the Ada who killed our men in Edonia,_ that _Ada is dead. But she was just a clone created by Derek Simmons to frame Ada for the bioterrorism attacks. Some kind of revenge because he was in love with her in Raccoon City, but she didn't..."

"Hold on a second! That's too fast for me," Chris interrupts me. "So Leon was right? Simmons was responsible for the attacks?"

"Yes. Well, he and his Ada doppelganger. Her real name was Carla Radames. Ada told me everything."

"So _that_'s what Leon meant." Chris looks thoughtful, and when I start looking as confused as he feels, he finally continues. "During the first days after China I slowly recovered from my amnesia. Everything was on my mind again. I could remember my sister again, and that she used to be with Leon... Somehow I hadn't known that before although I'd been remembering Leon himself for quite some time. You know I talked to him on the phone shortly after Ada's... no, _Carla's_ death, right?"

I nod.

"I told him Ada was dead," he continues. "When we first met after Lanshiang he blamed me for lying to him to make him stay with my sister... I didn't understand what he meant by that. I didn't even know he and Claire had relationship problems... But it seems like he's been in love with Ada, the _real_ Ada, for a long time..."

"Then he probably met her again after your call, so he knew she wasn't dead, and thought you had only told him that so he believes Claire's competitor is no longer an option," I finish his train of thought. Yes, that makes sense. Sighing, I point at the bed with my head. "Let's sit down. This could take longer."

Arm in arm, we walk towards the bed and I keep on telling him about everything I've learned from Ada. "By the way, Sherry Birkin is innocent too. She was hired by Simmons to find Jake Muller, but her boss made her believe he was going to use his blood to create a C-virus antidote. In reality he wanted to have Jake out of the way so no one can get his blood, and had him and Sherry imprisoned for half a year."

Chris sits down first, but instead of allowing me to sit next to him, he pulls me onto his lap and puts both arms around me again as if he was never going to let me go again.

"Do you know that you owe this to Jake's blood?" He kisses my regenerated right arm. It startles me at first because I haven't been expecting something like this, but I eventually let it happen.

"So I figured," I reply. "Rebecca didn't want to tell me what kind of magic cure it is, and shortly after my admission I was suffering too much to think clearly. But with all I know today, I did hit on that idea at some point."

I become aware of the irony of this whole situation. Not only that the blood of Jake Muller of all people, whose father was a bioterrorist in life, has cured me from my C-virus infection; it had to be Ada Wong of all people who saved me, one of Chris's men, from the underwater facility after her clone had killed the rest of our team.

Chris rests his head on my chest and holds me tighter again. "Yes, he's Wesker's son. And yes, he's not the nicest guy. But I'm glad he exists. Because without him, you would be..." He stops.

We become silent again for a while. Both of us are still a bit too confused to grasp our situation. Our luck.

"What you did when I was attacked by the monster in the pod kind of reminded me of Wesker's last action," he says suddenly, and I wrinkle my forehead. Chris has never compared me to his ex-boyfriend before.

"While Jill, Sheva and I were flying out of the volcano in the chopper, he raised from the lava one last time, using the last of his strength to try to kill us," he goes on. "He died at it... and broke my heart."

I don't really understand. It's not very flattering either. "And that has do to with me... _what_ exactly?" I cannot completely dispel the anger from my voice.

"You, too, used the last of your strength for me, but not kill me. You used it to safe me," he explains. "I will never forget that, no matter how many more amnesia I'll have to go through. In all the time that we were separated, the memory of my time with you was the most beautiful one... and the most painful one as well. Because I thought I'd never see you again."

"So you remember everything now?"

"Yes, my whole life. And I'm glad about finally having my memory back. Amazing how you only realize what you had once you've lost it, don't you think?"

I can only agree. I've never taken Chris for granted, not even in the eight months we were together. Yet still, after Edonia I had that oppressive feeling of having lost something before knowing how precious it truly was. The feeling to have it back now is hard to describe.

"I have to talk to you about something really important." The serious tone in Chris's voice makes me nervous when he gets out of our embrace and places his hands on my hips. He looks up to me like he means it.

"What is it?" I ask anxiously.

He gets straight to the point. "I'll get myself a different job and I want you to do the same. We've saved the world from bioterrorism often enough. I don't need another personal tragedy."

I frown. "You're the sole reason why I wanted to be part of the BSAA," I admit. Well, that's not the whole truth, but certainly more than half of it.

"You can still be with me even if we don't work together anymore," he promises. "That means... if you're okay with it."

He says the last part at such a low voice that I can hardly understand him. But even when I hear the words, they don't make sense to me.

Chris puts one arm around me again, pushes the other one under my knees and gets up. I cringe and cling to him tightly, but that's not even necessary. He holds me safe, walks a few steps with me and puts me back on the floor a few meters away from the bed. My towel almost slips, but I manage to catch it.

"Stand still," he whispers to my ear and takes a step back. I'm still slightly confused.

He clears his throat meaningfully as if I was preparing for an important speech in front of a large audience. In fact, the audience consists of nobody but me and – I'm sure of it – a few pairs of nosy ears pressing themselves against the door in hopes of overhearing a thing or two.

"I know," he begins, "that I gave you hell during that night in Lanshiang which was already hellish enough in itself. I was vengeful, unnecessarily aggressive and a jerk who couldn't get hold of himself, especially towards you."

"You're only human."

Chris smiles, but shakes his head. "Do not try to protect me from myself. I mean everything I say and I know I deserve it."

A friendly way to say "Shut up and listen to me", and that's just what I'm going to do now.

He continues. "But that will change now. I will no longer be your captain as of now, but I ask you to let me be something else for you." And then, without a warning, he gets down to his knees.

I don't understand at once what that means, but when he looks up to me, reaching for my hand, the sudden realization makes my eyes widen. It's not exactly the right place – whenever I was actually considering something like this in the past, I always imagined it to happen on a more romantic place than a hospital –, but Chris is not a very romantic person anyway, and it's a lovely surprise that he even hits on an idea like this.

"The eight months I was allowed to spend with you were the most beautiful ones in my life since I lost it to the fight against bioterrorism when I was just as old as you are now." There's no trace of heresy in his voice. It's just like he said; he means everything he says. "I want to revive that time and make sure it never ends again. Piers Nivans..." He takes a break, creating more tension, even though I know exactly what is about to come. "Do you want to marry me?"

Of course I want that, but when I open my mouth to tell him, it doesn't work. I'm sure he already feels the way my hand is trembling, sweaty from excitement, and I wish that instead of my words he could hear my heart thundering against my rib cage as if it was about to break through and jump right into his hands. That's where my heart has belonged for a long time: in his hands. And I know it will be in good hands.

"What do you think?" he asks with an insecure smile on his face. I know he doesn't want to urge me, but I can imagine how he feels at this moment. He's afraid I might say no.

"Do you think..." Those are the first hesitant words coming out of me, as if I wasn't sure, but I am. "Do you think I'm the right one for you?"

His smile gets wider and he briefly averts his gaze. "You were ready to sacrifice your life for me although you could have been saved. You were afraid you might lose control and kill me. So you rejected your chance for rescue. For me. I don't need any bigger token of love, Piers."

I flush. Right, there was something like that...

"But..." I struggle to find the right words to describe my feelings. "It's not that I don't want it, it's... With this virus in my blood. And yes, it's still there and no one knows what consequences it will bring about... Am I even still human?"

Chris gets up and looks into my eyes, not letting go of my hand. It's the right hand, the one on the arm that looked like weed a few days ago. "I don't care what you are. To me, you're a hero. And even if you... develop abilities that aren't normal, or your arm goes on to sparkle like this forever, or you have mood changes like a pregnant woman..." Suddenly he laughs. "You had to bear that from me in China too, didn't you? Are you really afraid you're not good enough for me just because you carry a virus within?"

I nod slightly.

"You're talking to a man who was in love with Albert Wesker," he reminds me. "Wesker was _not only_ a walking biological weapon like the monster the BSAA is fighting against, he was also my enemy. _He_ wasn't good for me. Actually you should be afraid that _I _might go crazy someday, not you. But you... You're the best that ever happened to me."

I'm still speechless, but at least I can smile now, an honest smile, and he reciprocates it. Then I downright jump at him and squeeze him as tightly as I can.

This time it's my tears dripping on his shoulder. But as I said already: Sometimes tears can describe feelings better than words. And if you were just asked by the man of your dreams if you want to marry him, tears can say "yes", too.

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**~ The End ~**


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